REVIEW'D: Table 87

Fucking Mayor de Blasio...AMIRITE? Dude's doing his damnedest to drive the whole "I eat my pizza with a fork & knife because people totally do it back in Italy" thing home. SAME AS THE OLD BOSS. After pulling that shit in Staten Island & getting called out, dude went on vacay to the motherland a few weeks back & pulled that shit AGAIN. BDB whipped out a f'n fork & knife and went to town on a slice. RIGHT IN F'N NAPLES. It's like he's trying to prove some lame point. For Brooklyn's sake, get it together Billy. FOLD THAT SHIT. REPRESENT CORRECT.

As far as I know, since becoming mayor he hasn't exhibited that dainty, hands-off business in Brooklyn. Still, I bet when the de Blasios lived on 11th St & ordered a pie, BDB pulled out a fork & knife. Then his son Dante was all OH HELL NO. Afro.

Lately, I've learned that there's definitely an argument for using a fork & knife, but I'm not entirely sure this is why the mayor does so. These days, your standard NYC pizzas are basically "dollar slice," "takeout slice," "old school slice" & the recently-exploding "authentic/gourmet slice." For that fourth category, a fork & knife definitely come in handy. For everything else...use yer damn hands.

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[What You Should Order At...] Prospect Bar & Grill

WHAT YOU SHOULD ORDER AT... is a recurring column designed in kind for your opinionated asses and our lazy asses. When the mood strikes, we pick one Park Slope-area eatery and recommend our favorite dish. Are we right? Are we wrong? YOU KNOW YOU WANNA WEIGH IN.

There was this one weekend evening a few months back when I was hanging out at Prospect Bar & Grill with the lady friend. Twas early. We were sitting inside enjoying a beverage & perusing the menu, way too hungry & wondering what’d actually be worth consuming there. I was feeling particularly Brooklyn, so I went with the Kale Caesar Salad ($10) with Medium-Rare Steak ($4). As we sipped craft beers (Singlecut or Smuttynose or some shit) & waited for our food, the bar buzzed around us with mostly non-obnoxious folks. Twas the weekend.

The food arrived. The lady friend had a burger. I had my kale salad. We were comfortable with our respective gender roles. I dug the fuck into my kale salad, quickly turning my attention to the steak within. I was eager. I took a big bite. I hadn't chewed it properly. No problem. Previously, I'd been able to effectively work through my inability to properly chew my food. A little bit of water down the throat...lift the arms & open up the diaphragm...down slides the hastily-eaten foodstuffs...problem solved.

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[What You Should Order At...] The Roof

WHAT YOU SHOULD ORDER AT... is a recurring column designed in kind for your opinionated asses and our lazy asses. When the mood strikes, we pick one Park Slope-area eatery and recommend our favorite dish. Are we right? Are we wrong? YOU KNOW YOU WANNA WEIGH IN.

Did y'all folks realize that Whole Foods is God's gift to man? It's true. Just look it up on the internet.

As such, we Brooklynites are blessed. Back in December, we found God & the long, bloody reign of Food Coop terror came to an end. We finally got our Whole Foods. Years before that glorious day, we knew that this first ever Brooklyn Whole Foods, situated yards from a Superfund site, would be the most Brooklyny Whole Foods EVA. When it opened, we saw the tons of local BROOKLYN vendors & products. We flinched at the questionable knife-sharpening station. We applauded the Whole Foods creative team for choosing the name "The Roof" for their rooftop bar. SO BROOKLYN. Then we tried to find the entrance to said rooftop bar. We walked through the whole fucking store before finding the entrance.

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A Non-Slurpee 7/11 FiPS Food & Drink Roundup

It's SUMMA BITCHES! Shit's been SO DAMN HOTT out there. This past week, shit's also been SO DAMN HOTT in the world of Park Slope food & drink. It's a literal whirlwind out there! Times be tough. Restaurants can't survive no more. There is no future. We're all gonna die one day. Before we all die, let's reflect on all the recent activity in Park Slope...

It's SUMMA BITCHES! That means your fat ass should be inhaling as much ice cream as humanly possible before the shitty winter months arrive. In furtherance of this cause, next Tuesday Ample Hills is finally getting around to opening up their MEGASHOP in Parkwanus. Gorge away, ice cream enthusiast. SALTED CRACK CARAMEL!!! FAT! ASS!

Do you like new signage? Does the idea of fresh, commercial signage just get you SO DAMN HOTT?!!! This past week, signage finally went up at two of the Barclays area's coming attractions--Doughnut Plant & Shake Shack. Stop by the Barclays area. Gaze up at the new signage. Take a mental pic. Go off & masturbate somewhere.

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The Science of the Supercollider

There was the time when the particle-accelerating Superconducting Super Collider didn't work out. It was 1993 & Congress & Clinton were scared of science & thus decided to stop the construction of a particle accelerator complex in Texas. 'Merica don't need no ding dang particle 'celrater figurin' out black holes & tramplin' on the Yellow Rose! Switzerland currently houses the current, updated version of the Super Collider.

There was the time when Radiohead released a song called "Supercollider" that was probably made with the SuperCollider programming language or some shit.

There was the time in 2013 when a new bar called "Supercollider" opened up on 4th Ave & 17th in Brooklyn, on an area of 4th Ave that's QUITE devoid of bars.

There was the time I went to Supercollider with friends & probably drank a few too many craft beers.

There was the time I went to Supercollider with friends & probably drank a few too many craft beers.

There was the time I went to Supercollider with friends & probably drank a few too many craft beers.

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