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Friday
Oct312014

Park Slope Craigslist Blotter

Happy Halloween! I hope you’re ready for a spoooooooooky Craiglist Blotter.  

SERVICE: Voodoo Consultant

Witch doctor or shaman is so old-fashioned? Cliché? Racist? I don’t know. Send all hate mail to your nearest fire. This voodoo consultant makes some pretty outrageous offers. Finding your true love. Removing all obstacles. Releasing you from secret demons. I don’t know if I need any of that shit. If he make me exercise before work though I’d be very impressed. 

FOR SALE: Baby monkey costume

Everybody likes sexy costumes. I’m not above it. Even just a funny looking hat looks sexy to me.  Like one of those Sherlock Deerstalker hats. Real talk, shoot me a Benedict Cumberbatch squint while wearing one of those and I’m going to jizz. Clean up, aisle Jim. Sexy costumes aren’t my favorite though. Baby costumes are the best. This particular one is my favorite I’ve seen this year. If you have a baby dress them up, please. 

FOR SALE: Claw foot tub

There is a shot in True Detective of a tub full of abortions and stuff. It was fucking scary. If you have aborted fetuses handy then you can fill a tub with them but what about after the week is over? The tub isn’t going to have that dead baby glow to it after Halloween. So think of this as like a disposable tub. Just drag it outside for the cops to deal with Sunday morning. 

 

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Friday
Oct312014

Another Brooklyn Attempt to Kickstart Cardboard Boxes for Cats

We’ve now been asked for money by (at least) two Brooklyn-based cardboard cat-house companies on Kickstarters. A year ago, I wrote about the Cat Townhouse; essentially a cardboard box with a cat-hammock for the top and a scratch post at the bottom gussied up on the outside to look like a brownstone. Sadly their Kickstarter campaign did not do so well and they didn’t raised the $10,000 they were asked for.

This new “product campaign,” is for Meowses, which is literally just a cardboard box–without the hammock or scratch post–and they’re asking for $25,000 on Kickstarter. That’s 25K for a cardboard box. And Meowses expects to win you over with their spokesperson: a cat puppet named Smokey that speaks with a ridiculous Brooklyn accent by way of Jersey Shore. Some pledge rewards can get you an autograph from Smokey himself, along with a “dime bag” of organic catnip.

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Thursday
Oct302014

Got a Hot Park Slope Tip?

Have you heard some distressing news about your favorite neighborhood bar? Snapped a pic of something that could only be seen in Park Slope? Had an annoying encouter with one of your neighbors?

Drop us a line with your tips HERE or write to effedinparkslope AT gmail DOT com

And if you can't get enough of our whining here on the blog, follow our ranty asses on TWITTER andFACEBOOK!

Thursday
Oct302014

FIPS Rant of the Week -- Ball Fields Edition

Image via goestotwelve.com

While we could endlessly debate the merits of living in Park Slope (see FIPS comments section, daily) there’s no argument to be made against the main attraction – Prospect Park.

Opened in 1867 and now host to 8 million visitors annually, the park has largely fulfilled its destiny becoming – as James Stranahan predicted at the time –  “a favorite resort for all classes of our community, enabling thousands to enjoy pure air, with healthful exercise, at all seasons of the year..."

Thanks to the careful planning of the park’s designers, there’s no shortage of spots for bird watching, dog swimming and general lazing about. Plenty of places to enjoy an afternoon letting your kids off the proverbial leash and letting them get their ya-yas out. And, on this fine, Indian Summer Saturday, when my son and a few of his friends sought to partake of the nation’s pastime, the woman who qualifies as my new favorite neighborhood resident and her two little ones had chosen the last available baseball field for their ya-ya releasing. Now, anyone who’s seen “Field of Dreams” knows this is not a good idea.  As James Earl Jones said, “People will come, Ray. People will most definitely come.”  So, just sayin’, it may be a good idea not to be sitting there when they do.

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Wednesday
Oct292014

Say It Ain't So! Dogs No Longer Allowed At The Gate.

As you may have heard by now, and as Park Slope Stoop reported on Monday, one of our favorite neigborhood bars, The Gate, will  no longer allow patrons to bring their doggies. We asked owner and friend of FIPS, Bobby Gagnon, to give us the scoop: 

So, an anonymous 311 caller reported us to the DOH. The inspector arrived, informing my bartender the call was hours earlier. This is the first I have ever heard of the DOH responding to a complaint same day, especially a non-critical health issue! I have spoken to a couple of insiders who maintain this must have been repeat calls and they finally came out, but that is conjecture. Obviously, the 311 system for businesses can potentially be problematic and outright detrimental if beset with someone with an axe to grind or merely a penchant to harass.  

The inspector issued us a violation, with an order to appear. Under the new letter-grade system we are now on the downward slope (no pun) with the DOH. We will appear, pay the fine as ordered but the presence of dogs henceforth will result in escalating fines, fines per dog present, those dreaded "B"s and (gasp) "C"s and the threat of a DOH shutdown. None of which a small business will survive. The DOH response here reads as zero tolerance and dogs are verboten whether you have a kitchen or not. 

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