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Parents of 5th Graders Feeling Truly F'd in Park Slope Today

Image via ms51.orgOh my god, hold on, let me catch my breath. I’m panting. I just managed to snag one of the very last tickets to the Beatles reunion concert,  I mean the one with John and George raised from the dead! slots for a tour of local Park Slope Middle School 51.


If you’re reading this blog, you very likely live in New York City. If you live in New York City and have school-age children, they might very well be among the one of the city’s million public school kids. If you don’t live in NYC and/or you don’t have kids aged 9 and above, you don’t know that your child has to APPLY to PUBLIC middle school. I know. Apply, pretty much like applying to college: tours and open houses and special tests and auditions and interviews. For ten-year-olds.

And if you have a 5th grader and live in the neighborhood whence comes the name of this blog, today you could be truly fucked in Park Slope. Unless you were sitting at your computer at 10:57 frantically hitting “refresh,” waiting for the MS 51 tour sign-up to go live, you may have missed the sign-up. I repeat, you may not have a slot for the 51 tour.

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ICYMI: Are Dogs Getting Sick from Algae in Prospect Park?

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Late last week, we received an email from a reader telling us that two days after her dog took a swim in an algae-laden dog beach in Prospect Park, he came down with giardia. According to DNAInfo, our reader is not alone:

Brooklyn dog groups are warning pet owners to steer clear of Prospect Park Lake, where inspectors with the state Department of Environmental Conservation recently confirmed the presence of blue-green algae, which can cause vomiting, diarrhea, rashes and breathing problems in both humans and animals.

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Park Slope Craigslist Blotter

1. FREE: Shit

We had a garden this year at FIPS headquarters. Things popped up but nothing grew big. We were all disappointed. And when it came time for the harvest share people were fighting over the big ear of corn. Come on ya’ll! Even at Union Market it costs less than a dollar a piece. This poster might have what our little garden was missing. Real, pungent, chicken shit. Hot out the chicken! It’s free. You just need to pick it up in Bushwick.

2. FREE: Introduction to Dianetics

Dianetics are the rules or religion or whatever that Scientologists practice. Scientologist are known for being rich and quick to head to court over insults. They are similar to the boxing manager in Rocky V who keeps saying “touch me and I’ll sue.”

3. MISSED CONNECTION: Breastfeeding

My aversion to breastfeeding has been documented here before. I find it to be unnatural even though it’s actually the most natural thing in the world. Have I oversexualized the female body? Am I what’s wrong with the world? Maybe. Or maybe it’s residual psychological trauma from watching an 11 or 12 year old kid get breastfeed while I was waiting to catch a red eye to Chicago. This kid had facial hair starting to sprout. It was disturbing. This fellow though, our horny Craigslister, he wouldn’t have been grossed out at all. In fact, he finds it quite arousing. So if you breastfeed your baby near a waterfall in the park this week drop him a line. I’m sure he’s not a dangerous sexual deviant.

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It's hard to belive that Fall is here. The summer was so mild that it's almost impossible to tell that we've entered the season of pretty leaves and apple picking. For many, it's their favorite season—a final reprieve before the icy throws of winter.

This week is unlike any I've written. Almost all of the events were submitted by our followers, which means the people are listening. It also means I didn't have to bust my ass scrounging around for events this week. So...if you have a rad event you'd like to share, hit us up and we'll try to include it.

WHASSUP with user submitted events? This is WHASSUP: 

Friday, 9/26, The Wonderful World of Boning: Sex Ed With a Sense of Humor, Union Hall: As far as I’m concerned, “boning” is the ultimate term of endearment, and what better way to learn the ins and outs (see what I did there?) than to relive the horrors of middle school by watching sex ed videos with strangers?  I’ll bring the popcorn. $8, 7:30pm doors, 8pm show

Saturday, 9/27, V to Shining V, Soda Bar: Concerned about practicing safe boning? The women of Lady Parts Justice have some fun in store for you! You can learn all of the intricacies of protecting access to reproductive health while registering to vote. Yeah, we don’t see the connection either. FREE, 6pm-8pm

Sunday, 9/28, Atlantic Antic, Atlantic Avenue: If you’ve got a yearning for churros, alt. rock, and sock vendors, have I got the event for you. If you’ve been in these parts for a bit you’ve surely seen the shitshow that is Atlantic Antic. It’s street fair meets stoop sale meets too many people in one place meet road closings. FREE, 12pm-6pm

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Hey Park Slope...Yelp It!

When it comes to food reviews, everybody knows that the world's most trusted source for unbiased opinions is Yelp. Bored of going to al di la every night and looking for a new place to try? YELP IT! Curious about what REALLY goes on at Thistle Hill Tavern? YELP IT! Don't give a shit about food but are still looking for a good laugh? YELP IT!

Earlier this month, Uproxx tipped the world off to this awesomely-revealing Yelp review of Park Slope's Taco Santo, penned by up-and-coming Yelp critic Ross F:

"The entire kitchen and wait staff saw an ice cream truck and ran outside, leaving me alone in the restaurant. 10 minutes later they all came back with ice cream cones. I still can't believe this actually happened."

I don't see what the big deal is. Ice cream is awesome and if you don't abandon your restaurant to get some, there's a pretty good chance that you'll never have the chance to eat ice cream again.

Taco Santo isn't the only place in Park Slope where shenanigans abound, so in honor of Ross's groundbreaking review, we've rounded up a few of our favorite recent Yelp reviews for your gratification…

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