REVIEW'D: Table 87

Fucking Mayor de Blasio...AMIRITE? Dude's doing his damnedest to drive the whole "I eat my pizza with a fork & knife because people totally do it back in Italy" thing home. SAME AS THE OLD BOSS. After pulling that shit in Staten Island & getting called out, dude went on vacay to the motherland a few weeks back & pulled that shit AGAIN. BDB whipped out a f'n fork & knife and went to town on a slice. RIGHT IN F'N NAPLES. It's like he's trying to prove some lame point. For Brooklyn's sake, get it together Billy. FOLD THAT SHIT. REPRESENT CORRECT.

As far as I know, since becoming mayor he hasn't exhibited that dainty, hands-off business in Brooklyn. Still, I bet when the de Blasios lived on 11th St & ordered a pie, BDB pulled out a fork & knife. Then his son Dante was all OH HELL NO. Afro.

Lately, I've learned that there's definitely an argument for using a fork & knife, but I'm not entirely sure this is why the mayor does so. These days, your standard NYC pizzas are basically "dollar slice," "takeout slice," "old school slice" & the recently-exploding "authentic/gourmet slice." For that fourth category, a fork & knife definitely come in handy. For everything else...use yer damn hands.

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Just Cheez It, Alf.

It's like a cheezy, iconic, gay Brit once said: "Saturday night's alright for fighting. Saturday night's alright. Alright. Alright. Woo Hoo Ooh Ooh."

It's like a cheezy, hacky teenager once said in the shitty follow-up to the shitty song that made her famous: "This Saturday we're gonna do it bigger than we ever have before."

It's like a cheezy bunch of 70’s era Scottish teenybopper heartthrobs once said: "It's just a Saturday night."

Guess what I did on Saturday night. Nope. Not cheese. Not even heroin. Nope. I didn't go to TGI Fridays and delight in the splendor that is their kitsch-adorned walls. TGI Fridays is more of a Friday thing. Since it was a Saturday smack dab in the middle of a pussy-snowstorm-induced three-day weekend, a few friends & I decided to travel all the way up the hills of Park Slope to 7th Ave, walking right past all the perfectly fine bars on 5th Ave.

The reason: A brand spanking new bar that just opened up in the old Bar 4 space (RIP and/or I never went there). The moniker: "American Cheez."

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Today we get even more pizza with the opening of Brooklyn Central

I've said it before & I'll say it again: Park Slope needs another pizza joint like I need a fucking hole in my head.

As of press time my skull is still intact, even though as of today, Park Slope has another brand new pizza joint: Brooklyn Central. Housed in the spot previously occupied by the short-lived Pete's Pizzeria, they come with the same promise of Neapolitan pizza as Pete's, but with what seems like a better chance of success. I mean, I knew Pete for years because of his original restaurant, Pete's Downtown (RIP), and I think he's a great guy & all, but Pete's Pizzeria was a bit of a mess.

Brooklyn Central is the product of Matthew Hyland & Roberto Patriarca, two dudes who became friends whilst slinging pies at Boerum Hill's Sottocasa. Roberto got his start at his father's pizza spot up in the Bronx, headed to Italy for a while, and then eventually came back to Brooklyn. Matthew grew up in both Brooklyn & Greenwich, CT, eventually settling in Brooklyn as well. When deciding on a locale, the men decided on Park Slope as both live in Brooklyn & felt like our neighborhood fit their collective sensibility. As for the name, it's a nod to the now-defunct train that used to run down 5th Ave back in the day. Did you know there was a train on 5th Ave? I sure as hell didn't.

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[My Favorite Park Slope...]: Pizza

Photo credit: City Search

I love pizza. I love pizza in such a completely non-discriminatory way that I’ve never met a slice I would turn down. There have been times in my life when I would literally eat pizza at every meal for at least two days in a row.

And that is all because of Smilie’s (side note: it's actually called “Smiling Pizza,” which I think is a stupid name, but until the age of 10 or 11 I thought it was called "Smilie's.".

Look, it may not actually be the best pizza in Park Slope, let alone the world, but I wouldn’t know since it’s the first and only pizza I ever really ate until around second grade. Smilie’s set my personal standard for pizza and began a lifelong love affair.

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Di Fara's Has Reopened Uh-gain

Photo via snackish.com

Last week, Di Fara's Pizza was shut down by the DOH for presumably the gajillionth time. They were cited 67 violation points, which included the discovery of -- AND I QUOTE -- crowds of mice in the kitchen. All I can do to keep myself from gagging a little is to imagine that each and every one was Patton Oswalt in Ratatouille.

The joint reopened this past Wednesday. 

[Via the Brooklyn Paper]