A Tale of Two Lobster Rolls

In olden times, the lobster was an abundant, filthy creature fit only for the mouths of the coastal poor & indigent. Over time, as the lands between America's coast got to try lobster for the first time, demand rose, resulting in less lobster & higher prices. Once trashy. Now fancy. A tale of two lobsters, if you will.

In Park Slope, on 5th Ave two blocks in either direction from Union St, there are two different but basically delicious lobster rolls...a tale of two lobster rolls, if you will.

Two blocks south of Union there's Luke's Lobster who, after a slight delay, finally opened two Fridays ago between President & Carroll. Through their Maine-influenced cuisine, they've grown from a food truck to a fourteen location chain spanning three metro areas (NYC, DC, Philly). Contrary to popular belief, their name is not a sly reference to one of the more popular soap opera phalluses of all time.

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Hey Park Slope...Yelp It!

When it comes to food reviews, everybody knows that the world's most trusted source for unbiased opinions is Yelp. Bored of going to al di la every night and looking for a new place to try? YELP IT! Curious about what REALLY goes on at Thistle Hill Tavern? YELP IT! Don't give a shit about food but are still looking for a good laugh? YELP IT!

Earlier this month, Uproxx tipped the world off to this awesomely-revealing Yelp review of Park Slope's Taco Santo, penned by up-and-coming Yelp critic Ross F:

"The entire kitchen and wait staff saw an ice cream truck and ran outside, leaving me alone in the restaurant. 10 minutes later they all came back with ice cream cones. I still can't believe this actually happened."

I don't see what the big deal is. Ice cream is awesome and if you don't abandon your restaurant to get some, there's a pretty good chance that you'll never have the chance to eat ice cream again.

Taco Santo isn't the only place in Park Slope where shenanigans abound, so in honor of Ross's groundbreaking review, we've rounded up a few of our favorite recent Yelp reviews for your gratification…

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Berg'n: The Great Takeover?

Full Disclosure: I've yet to see Guardians of the Galaxy. I couldn't care less. I know. Amazing Marvel adaptation. Bradley Cooper plays a Raccoon. Vin Diesel revisits the role he's become famous for...a talking tree. I get it. The Guardians are a ragtag group guardianing our galaxy or some shit. There's an orb. Somebody wants to take over. There's always somebody who wants to take over.

Google wants to take over the internet. Transplants want to take over Park Slope. ISIS wants to take over pretty much everywhere. In the Brooklyn culinary sphere, the boom of hipsters & depression over the past decade has led to beer halls taking over the Brooklyn landscape. It's no ebola-sized infection, but in terms of square footage that I'm not willing to research & calculate, it's still notable.

I think back to 2008. Lil Wayne's The Carter III was about to sell a million copies in week one. WEEZY TAKING OVER. In this climate, Jonathan Butler & Eric Demby decided to start some thang in Ft Greene called the Brooklyn Flea. They added food. Locals flocked. Hipsters flocked. Six years later, they've become the guys behind a flea empire that expanded to Williamsburg & DUMBO, added "Smorgasbrewery" events at Brooklyn Brewery, expanded to D.C., failed in Philly & took over the Park Slope market at PS 321. Now, a half year after the initial anticipated March opening date, they've joined forces with the beer hall movement to open Berg'n, a Crown Heights beer hall on fuck you guess which street.

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2 Duck 2 Gooseious

In this go-go technological world, people don't have time for full words & phrases. Everything needs to be shortened or, as I like to say, abreived. Take 2 Duck Goose, a Cantonese restaurant that opened back around the beginning of August in the space on the corner of 4th Ave & 6th that was formerly occupied by Anthony's of 4th Ave Pizzeria.

They named the place after the beloved Duck Duck Goose children's game but this is 2014, so it's "2 Duck Goose" to you, missy.

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Rachel's Fabulous Flaming "Happy Hour"

Photo via Seamless

How much would you pay for a margarita? Back in my day, we'd congregate at El Sombrero in the LES & blow our paychecks on crack margaritas. I don’t know...what did they cost in 2003 LES dollars? $25 a pitcher? Whatever it was, no biggie. They had crack in them & you could get them to go in a Styrofoam cup.

I'm almost 40 now. El Sombrero has closed. These days in Park Slope, the equivalent is Rachel's...I guess. The lady friend, a mutual friend & a few other acquaintances have spent many day-off late afternoons/early evenings enjoying cheap, apparently potent margaritas beneath the tacky ass flames of Rachel's signage.

A week or so back, the aforementioned mutual friend had SHOCKING news to report...Rachel's had raised the price of EVERY SINGLE ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE ON THE MENU. Bottles of Corona were now $11. Margaritas now ranged from $10-$13. To say the least, she was incensed.

I called bullshit. While mutual friend is a longtime friend, she occasionally fails to get the whole story. I turned to recent Yelp reviews. Big S. wrote "This place is just sort of weird. Why are bottles of beer $11 dollars unless you have a coupon in a cheap texmex joint?" Liz B. noted that "So.... There's really no $4 margaritas despite the huge sign that's permanently fixed above the entrance. However, the bartender seemed to take pity on us and give us $5 drink tickets that made our $10 margaritas half price... close enough.”

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