[What You Should Order At...] Prospect Bar & Grill

WHAT YOU SHOULD ORDER AT... is a recurring column designed in kind for your opinionated asses and our lazy asses. When the mood strikes, we pick one Park Slope-area eatery and recommend our favorite dish. Are we right? Are we wrong? YOU KNOW YOU WANNA WEIGH IN.

There was this one weekend evening a few months back when I was hanging out at Prospect Bar & Grill with the lady friend. Twas early. We were sitting inside enjoying a beverage & perusing the menu, way too hungry & wondering what’d actually be worth consuming there. I was feeling particularly Brooklyn, so I went with the Kale Caesar Salad ($10) with Medium-Rare Steak ($4). As we sipped craft beers (Singlecut or Smuttynose or some shit) & waited for our food, the bar buzzed around us with mostly non-obnoxious folks. Twas the weekend.

The food arrived. The lady friend had a burger. I had my kale salad. We were comfortable with our respective gender roles. I dug the fuck into my kale salad, quickly turning my attention to the steak within. I was eager. I took a big bite. I hadn't chewed it properly. No problem. Previously, I'd been able to effectively work through my inability to properly chew my food. A little bit of water down the throat...lift the arms & open up the diaphragm...down slides the hastily-eaten foodstuffs...problem solved.

This night at Prospect was different. I just tried to roll with it, but no matter what I tried, there was still steak lodged somewhere where it shouldn't be. I mean, I wasn't choking enough to avoid conversation or joke-making & was drinking water, hoping to clear things up. Unfortunately, your throat can only hold so much water...so I tried to hurry to the bathroom. Twas too late. That stupid muscle in the back of my throat leapt into action. Sorry to the dude who had to clean that up...Also to the dude who had to clean up my second attempt at clearing things up with the power of water. Sorry, dude.

I still had steak blockage. A friend showed up halfway through this debacle. Once Water Explosion II went down, we decided to leave. I hadn't even had enough time to get drunk. Bullshit. Within ten seconds of stepping outside, I felt the blocked steak slide down into my stomach. Then I punched the Grim Reaper in the face & we took a car home.

In short...Sorry, Prospect. At least I didn't die in your bar that night.

I stayed ashamed & stayed away from Prospect for a while after that, but I've come back a ton since. I'm understandably scared of the Kale Salad, so 90% of the time I order the Surf & Turf Mac & Cheese ($15).

I know. I know. $15 Mac & Cheese is stupid, even in NYC. What if I told you that said Mac & Cheese contains duck confit, lobster, snap peas & artichoke and is made with white cheddar & truffle oil?

I know. I know. You're getting lobster & duck confit from a bar. Truffle oil is pure bullshit. Fuck an artichoke. You really can't expect all that much. Still, the dish is salty in a good way & filled with bits of non-objectionable lobster, duck & artichoke. It's more of a "munch while you drink/ooh look what's in this bite" sort of meal. You should order it. People who order dishes with lobster whilst at a bar get laid more often. That's just a scientific fact.

If nothing, you'll take the time to savor the supposedly-fancy ingredients within…& the prospect of you choking will greatly diminish.