I Came, I Saw, I Ate Pork: Bacon Takedown

Before you get all worried about how I'm gonna survive this attack of the bacon, let me assure you that I already have set appointments this week with my dietitian, my nutritionist, my naturopath, my personal trainer, and my cardiologist has a defibrillator on standby in case shit goes south. Now some basic stats about the Bacon Take-Down that went down this Sunday at The Bell House:

• there were 21 varieties of bacon dishes
• total amount of bacon consumed: 300 lbs

It basically went down like this: you eat a shit-ton of bacon:

Gabi Porter for MetromixJust when you think it's over, THINK AGAIN. There's more bacon.

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Benchmark: No Longer a Secret

We're not sure whether the owners were trying to keep Benchmark a secret or not, but the cat's out of the bag now! 

This sign (among a few others) was slapped on the side of Loki Lounge, alerting Park Slopers of its presence.  And I'm so glad they did, because goddamn, this place is GOOD. 

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Snackz in tha Hood [Bierkraft]

Check it. After months of doing half-assed reviews of every business in Park Slope, I've put together a sorta real one:

I'm a beer snob connoisseur. Fuck wine. Fuck hard liquor. I drink beer. I drink it for the taste. I drink it for the funny things it does to my brain. It's good like that.

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REVIEW: FRANNY'S [A BREEDER'S PERSPECTIVE THAT TOTALLY DOESN'T JIBE WITH MINE, BUT I'M POSTING IT ANYWAY]

I have been reading and hearing about Franny’s since it opened. Every time I read a rave review I think, damn! I must get my ass over there and see what all the fuss is about.

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FIPS Food Throwdowns: The Guacamole Edition [Barrio vs. Rancho Alegre]

So, it's Sunday, you're hungover, you don't want to move, and you're trying to decide which place in the nabe has the best General Tso's. Or maybe you're wondering if there's a restaurant in existence anywhere that is capable of bringing you a burger and fries that isn't soggy and terrible from the time it's spent hanging out in its styrofoam home.   

BAM!: FIPS Food Throwdowns! A monthly series where we order the same exact thing from two different Park Slope restaurants, get it delivered, and evaluate which was better.  It's a culinary smackdown...a triumph of the delivery will.  I know your lazy asses are so ready for this shit. 

So this is how it's going to work.  The places will be judged by certain criteria:

Ordering ease: Ever had to spend 15 minutes on the phone just trying to order a fucking chips and guacamole only to find out they have a $30 minimum and don't take American Express?  Yeah, thanks, Los Pollitos II.  We appreciate it when a place makes it simple.

Delivery time: Anything under 15 minutes is a miracle.  Anything over 45 minutes, I'm grabbing my torch and pitchfork.  

Price: Because you should never spend $40 on takeout unless it's 4AM, you're drunk, and you decide that you and your two friends need 5 large pizzas.  

How'd it hold up?: Soggy fries, leaking miso soups, cold pizza—even though I know my food is being slung over some guy's shoulder and transported on a bike, I'd like it to not look like it was.  

Taste: Obviously.

Bonus: Extra sauces?  Plastic containers that you can use again for lunch?  Score.

I know all you foodies out there will inevitably hate the two places I pick.  I get it.  But I have to pick just two places to face each other in a head-to-head [mortal] combat.  Feel free to suggest which places YOU think are the best for each featured food/dish—FIPS Food Throwdowns are just a random slice-of-pizza life sampling. 

Here goes:

FIPS Food Throwdowns: The Guacamole Edition

Barrio vs. Rancho Alegre

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