I Came, I Saw, I Ate Pork: Bacon Takedown

Before you get all worried about how I'm gonna survive this attack of the bacon, let me assure you that I already have set appointments this week with my dietitian, my nutritionist, my naturopath, my personal trainer, and my cardiologist has a defibrillator on standby in case shit goes south. Now some basic stats about the Bacon Take-Down that went down this Sunday at The Bell House:

• there were 21 varieties of bacon dishes
• total amount of bacon consumed: 300 lbs

It basically went down like this: you eat a shit-ton of bacon:

Gabi Porter for MetromixJust when you think it's over, THINK AGAIN. There's more bacon.

Gabi Porter for MetromixThere were two professional judges who announced their winners, and then, in the true spirit of tyranny of the majority democracy there were the popular vote winners. Of course, the masses and I have differing opinions on what's worth clogging the shit out of your arteries for and what's a waste of calories. So, Avocado Goat's Milk Gelato Topped with Warm Candied Bacon — which everyone apparently thought was the winner dish — was a letdown, IMHO, maybe because I had high expectations for it (I even saved it for last). Who I THINK should have come in the first place are these peeps with their BCLYN Blackout Cake magic:

Gabi Porter for MetromixIn case the pic isn't enough to give you a seizure, here's the description: "Savory Tinta de Calamar bacon cornbread cake filled with bacon-red-chile jam & frosted with whipped lardo, hand-dipped garlic ricotta and crispy bacon." Now, THOSE bitches truly ruled, and no, I'm not just saying it because the descripsh sounds pretentious. (Sidenote: lardo isn't lard.) There was also some awesome tomato soup with bacon bits and amazing croutons (didn't get the official name, sorry), which came in a close second for me. And the third place, IMO, was a tie between the Canadian Cuban Sandwich and the Bacon Almond Brittle.

Oh, then there was a raffle and some bitch won a year's supply of bacon from Hormel. Whatevs.

Event staff was wearing these delicious t-shirts that weren't for sale unfortch, otherwise I totally would've gotten one:

Overall, it was a giant bacon orgy, and it was the perfect Sunday afternoon for it. Everyone was eating their faces off, going for seconds and thirds, hoping bacon chefs wouldn't recognize them (they did). I hear there are more of these take-downs on the way, so any of you sick mofos want to try your luck in the future — anyone can enter!

And I leave you with a serving of the mandatory retarded ironic hipster tee...

(Yes, that's a sandwich)

There are way more photos here on Metromix. And more on future takedowns here.