Gettin' It Right: Methodist Hospital Emergencaaaaay Room

Two weeks ago I cut the left corner of my right thumb clean off with a mandolin (not the instrument). Like a real dipshit I decided to slice a cucumber without using the hand guard. I effectively farmed a neat stack of beautifully sliced paper-thin cucumbers with some thumb on top.  Hot right?

First moral of my cautionary / endorsement tale: DON'T BE A CULINARY HOT SHOT! Use the damn hand guard when operating a mandolin. 

I went right into medical crisis mode: Since the chunk was substantial I put it in a little freezer baggy. I remembered hearing that the flesh shouldn't touch the ice directly so I threw a handful of ice into a Fairway bag, threw the baggy in and figured I was good to go. I actually felt high (and this is what others would come to tell me was shock) but I was hell bent on getting that thumb chunk reattached. I wrapped the wound in about 15 paper towels and a red dish cloth. I knew I was beyond the point of a Band Aid and no sense in alarming the general public with blood-stained kitchen linens (blood actually is more brownish than red so using a red dish towel for camouflage was a false economy). 

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Breaking: Manhattan Finally Gets Some Culture

photo credit: Rebecca Ashley PhotographyWe know you're probably sick of our little obsession with 5th Avenue yogurt emporium Culture...but we don't give a shit. 

We just got the inside scoop from co-owners Jenny and Gino Ammirati that they signed a lease at 60 West 8th Street in Manhattan, where they expect to open their second location this Spring. Sweet nectar of the gods, this is exciting news. New York Magazine wrote about the burgeoning food scene on West 8th Street last April, so Culture will fit right in. Lucky you, West Village people! 

[GETTIN' IT RIGHT]: BARK

Gettin' It Right is our semi-regularish column where we call out a Park Slope biz that deserves an online pat on the ass for doing something that's not totally fucking stupid. Today's nominee: BARK!

When you order Chinese food delivery, it usually takes around 4 minutes for your food to arrive. But when you order from anywhere else, you're usually waiting around like a chump. But we all know this, and for some restaurants, sitting around like a chump is worth the wait cause the food is so damn good. 

I would put Bark squarely in this category. 

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Today we get even more pizza with the opening of Brooklyn Central

I've said it before & I'll say it again: Park Slope needs another pizza joint like I need a fucking hole in my head.

As of press time my skull is still intact, even though as of today, Park Slope has another brand new pizza joint: Brooklyn Central. Housed in the spot previously occupied by the short-lived Pete's Pizzeria, they come with the same promise of Neapolitan pizza as Pete's, but with what seems like a better chance of success. I mean, I knew Pete for years because of his original restaurant, Pete's Downtown (RIP), and I think he's a great guy & all, but Pete's Pizzeria was a bit of a mess.

Brooklyn Central is the product of Matthew Hyland & Roberto Patriarca, two dudes who became friends whilst slinging pies at Boerum Hill's Sottocasa. Roberto got his start at his father's pizza spot up in the Bronx, headed to Italy for a while, and then eventually came back to Brooklyn. Matthew grew up in both Brooklyn & Greenwich, CT, eventually settling in Brooklyn as well. When deciding on a locale, the men decided on Park Slope as both live in Brooklyn & felt like our neighborhood fit their collective sensibility. As for the name, it's a nod to the now-defunct train that used to run down 5th Ave back in the day. Did you know there was a train on 5th Ave? I sure as hell didn't.

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HOW TO PRONOUNCE "TERROIR"

Original image Yves Saint Laurent, 1966

YOU'RE WELCOME. 

Also, I actually went to the newly opened Terroir wine bar on 5th Ave in the old Great Lakes space a couple of weekends ago, and it was pretty fab. Their "garage door" in front was open and everyone was drinking wine and eating cheese like it was their jahb. They have communal tables in front, and of course I was sitting next to some chick who was breast feeding her baby all over the place, but I'm used to that whole Park Slope shuffle by now. 

They *do,* however, have hooks on those aforementioned communal tables, so at least you have someplace to hang your shit while you're sitting there getting drunk and fat (WHY don't more places do this!?). 

Anywhoose, thumbs up for Tehr-wahr.