Food Coop LOOOOOOOOVE

Parkslope Co-op Beer Girl - m4w - 29 (Park Slope Brooklyn )
Date: 2009-08-08, 12:04PM EDT

Hello,

Wouldn't it be awesome if you saw this! You were the VERY cute Asian girl who was buying a LOT of beer at the Park Slope food Coop last Friday (August 7th) around 6:30PM. We traded a few looks while we were shopping. I was the tall guy with yellow T-shirt. It wasn't until u were at the register that I got the courage to say something (regarding the beer) - but then it was awkward with the cashier there etc. DAMN!

Anyways. you are super cute and i'd like to grab a beer with you sometime.

(via Craigslist)

Post-Holiday Clearance Sale: Park Slope MILF Handjobs Starting as Low as $199.99

Today's the day I become a Serious Journalist.

I realize that up until this moment, my Reporter Qualifications consist of posting ripoffs of TheOnion to a snarky, smug, crappy little website.

Today's the day that changes.

READ MORE

BREAKING: Marketing Genius is in for Some Serious Poon

Oh my G0D, I'm gonna have a fucking panic attack.

Did you see this guy's Craigslist Ad?

This guy is a total fucking genius - talk about hitting your target audience. Let me break out the keystroke loggers and hidden cams, cause I just know he's gonna end up banging my wife.

Check this shit out:

Are you home all day, bored and devoid of sexual excitement and pleasure?

Uh, what park slope mom isn't?!?!

Is is your husband working all day and doesn't desire you when he comes home?

Please; you don't know the half of it! Not only do I come home exhausted - I can't even get it up under normal circumstances! I'm a totally flaccid software project manager, about 15 years past my sexual prime, AND doped up on anti-depressants: My manhood is essentially a wrinkled, shriveled acorn.

Are you taking care of your children all day and want someone to kiss, lick and caress your special spots?

Holy christ that's a low blow - he brings the kids into it you FUCK. Why not just mention how she has to pick up my dry cleaning while you're at it? And what is my kid supposed to do while you're banging his mom, you sick fuck?! Watch Dora?

I am not looking for any drama or to wreck an marriages just equal sexual satisfaction with an emphasis on pleasure...I am a 6'3 athletic male living in Park Slope. I am a successful and cultured.

Oh great, he's gorgeous AND rational. Fuck it, I'm going for a pre-emptive happy-ending massage. I am SO getting back at that lying, cheating bitch.

PS Craigslisting: W/E 01.04.09

Each week we bring you the best of the worst in Park Slope related craigslist shenanigans:

*Absolutely Free Stress Management Workshop (Park Slope, Brooklyn) - Are you stressed? Need to manage it? Like free shit? Then K.I.T. with these peeps.

*Wanna get lost? Help train a Search & Rescue dog in Prospect Park (Park Slope) - Ok, so we love dogz around here. You got us. But this is soooo great. Pleez someone do it!

*1/15: Hottest Speed Dating Event! (Park Slope Brooklyn) - Get laid! FAST!

*Park Slope Moms - m4w - 30 (Park Slope) - This dude is on the prowl for some MILF muff (also he won't tell anyone once he gets it).

*WANTED: Private Hipster Lapdance/Massage? — Will Donate - m4w (Park Slope Area — Brooklyn) - The BEST part of this ad? If your guess was "private hipster lapdance," you would be wrong! It's the pic of the pretty BK sunset the guy includes.

PS Craigslisting: W/E 12.28.08

Each week we bring you the best of the worst in Park Slope related craigslist shenanigans:

*FOUND DOG: male pitbull mix in Park Slope (8th Avenue & 9th Street)

*Conversational Spanish Free Event in January (Park Slope)

*Woodworking Classes / Workshop Space (Gowanus / Park Slope)

*Smudge - Loving kitty needs forever home - Park Slope/Ditmas Park (Brooklyn)

*Dog Grooming Lessons With Professional Groomer Rod Leite of Homedoggy (ParkSlope)