HOLY WAFFLES, PARK SLOPE, IT’S NUMBER 5 RECYCLING DAY!

Many of my Sundays are spent at the Tea Lounge pretending I’m advancing my career as a writer (come say s'up, friends!).  Usually, I make my grand entrance onto Union street from Seventh--this is so the coopretards and I stay clear out of each other’s paths. 

Yesterday, I made the mistake of approaching the Tea Lounge from Fifth (foreshadowing: BIG MISTAKE). As a result, I had to walk through the most insane Coop madness I’ve ever seen: NUMBER FIVE RECYCLING DAY!!!! 

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'I Joined The Park Slope Food Coop, And All I Got Was This Stinkin Shirt'

Inspired by the recent NYT article lamenting about how verry verry hawd it is to keep up with one's required Coop work shift schdule, our new blog bff Definitive Ink was called to action: behold, the Coop status shirts! You can choose between: "on alert," "suspended," "grace period," or "suspended."

[Yes, people...we a-r-e serious].

Buy the t-shirts here.

TOTALLY. FUCKING. BRILLIANT

The *Real* Park Slope Co-Op

photo: Hannah Whitaker for NY Mag

NY Mag has this long-ass article about the much talked about co-housing group, who may in fact be moving their asses to the outskirts of our leafy nabe.

Here's how this shit is gonna work:

• The group gets together $16 millies and buys some old mattress factory.
• Then they renovate the place.
• Then the co-op members get a 660sf apt for around $500k (which, depending where you are in Park Slope these days, is still slightly overpriced), along with 11,000sf of shared space including a great room, a kitchen, a playroom, an "adults only lounge" (kinky!), a courtyard and a wine cellar.
• Then they mostly gotta leave their door open, be chatty all the time, and try not to get annoyed by everyone else there. But gardening is totally optional!

[NOTE: how is this gonna affect their Food Coop shifts!? Cause if your "roommates" are eating communal food, then you all gotta work. And in a co-housing project, everyone is your roommate. That shit better be in the fine print].

It's likely no surprise to anyone that this sounds like the closest aproximation to hell on Earth I've ever heard of...but I'm the whiny bitch who gets home from work and doesn't want to talk to anyone except for Greg, the judges on SYTYCD, and the dude who handles take-out deliveries for Istanbul.

Adrian Grenier Reads FIPS!

Check out what he said on Grub Street yesterday about working his Coop shifts:

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The NYT Likes to Make Fun Of Coopretards Too!

Daym. If making fun of the Park Slope Food Coop is now sooo mainstream even the NYT is getting in on the action, its clearly time for us to move on. What's next? Any suggestions?

Eh, who are we kidding--we loved every fucking second of this article: Flunking Out At The Food Coop.

(And for the record, we are *still* on the hunt for a new Coop Spy).

Did Adrien Grenier Run Off to Paris With Eczema?

(image: The Sartorialist)

Cause he seems to be all fine-n-shit, with his fly ass bike and some hot girl.

Take note Coopretards!: if the dude is missing a-n-y shifts in the upcoming week, THIS is why--it is not eczema related.

(A Bang Up Job via The Sartorialist)

Adrien Grenier is SO Getting His Ass Suspended From The Coop

Ok, so YES this pic is blurry. And YES, I can't quite read what it says. But according to the Park Slope Food Coop spy who sent this cell pic into Grub Street yesterday, our fave Entourage hot-tay is skipping out on his monthly shifts b-i-g time.

Not sure if the Coop makes special allowances for big time Hollywood superstars with big time Hollywood schedules, but I certainly fucking hope not.

More importantly, I'm not quite sure what to do with the information that the Coop KEEPS THEIR MOTHERFUCKING MEMBERSHIP SHIFT RECORDS ON MOTHERFUCKING INDEX CARDS!? I mean???? fjdkalfjalfjalsjfalsfjlsdjf!! If you Coopretards want, I think I have an old Commodore 64 lying around from middle school you bitches can borrow?

REVIEW: PROSPECT PARK WEST BY AMY SOHN

Amy Sohn is a BREEDER who gets it. Like really fucking gets it.

She's a Park Slope mom, who you may have even seen breastfeeding at the "Teat Lounge" (her brilliance, not mine), or sitting amongst the Coopretards at the monthly Park Slope Food Coop meeting. She can enumerate the subtle nuances between each neighborhood playground, and has likely put in her required mommy hours at both Dizzy's and Two Boots. For all I know, she may have even thrown her kid an elaborate bday party at Kidville with clowns and that annoying guitar player dude from the Wednesday sing-a-longs. But here's the thing: she can also laugh her ass off about it all.

Self-awareness, folks--it ain't just a concept to revisit every so often in your shrink's office.  

Luckily for all of us, Sohn seems to be the most self-aware Park Slope BREEDER in the history of BREEDERS. And she's turned it all into a hilarious, dishy, tell-all of a book about  my fave nabe and yours: Prospect Park West.

I loved the shit out of this book--I really did.

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Can't Wait To Read It: Prospect Park West

Park Slope rez and former sex columnist Amy Sohn has a juicy little nugget of a book hitting the stands in September that delves deep into the lives of four Park Slope mothers: Prospect Park West. Food Coop shifts, mommy-n-me classes, boring/sexless marriages, playground dramz--its apparently all in there. Shit's so good, Sarah Jessica Parker already optioned it to turn into a TV series.

Needless to say, everyone is already talking about it (and if someone can send me ANY relevant, whiny Park Slope Parents threads, I will give you cold hard cash).

Here's the blurb from Publisher's Weekly:

Lizzie, whose lesbian proclivities mask her loneliness; Rebecca, whose libidoless spouse prefers his role as dad over husband; Karen, a social-climbing conniver; and Melora, a former Manhattanite whose psychiatric maladies are as pathetic as they are numerous. The gals in this comedy of bad manners are burned out, bitchy and beyond salvation as they maneuver to be noticed and loved.

So, yeah. I'm pretty much predicting that this is going to be my new fave book on the planet. And guess who's got themselves a MOTHERFUCKING ADVANCE COPY on the way??

Yes. We. Can.

Stay tuned for our first (and likely only) official FIPS Book Review.

(via Gawker)

Food Coop LOOOOOOOOVE

Parkslope Co-op Beer Girl - m4w - 29 (Park Slope Brooklyn )
Date: 2009-08-08, 12:04PM EDT

Hello,

Wouldn't it be awesome if you saw this! You were the VERY cute Asian girl who was buying a LOT of beer at the Park Slope food Coop last Friday (August 7th) around 6:30PM. We traded a few looks while we were shopping. I was the tall guy with yellow T-shirt. It wasn't until u were at the register that I got the courage to say something (regarding the beer) - but then it was awkward with the cashier there etc. DAMN!

Anyways. you are super cute and i'd like to grab a beer with you sometime.

(via Craigslist)