PARK SLOPE CRAIGSLISTING: Friend Without Benefits

Occasionally, I peruse the Craigslist personals section in order to gain insight into the minds (genitals) of Brooklyn-ites in their progressive pursuits of relationships (genitals).

Like many of the folks who solicit strangers online, the author of this ad attempts to appear laid-back and practical in her request for a "friend without benefits". Unfortunately, while her lengthy list of irrational requisites rise, her casual credibility proceeds to plummet.

Greetings,
Right away I'm sure since I'm posting this ad particularly in the "strictly platonic" (friendship) section, that many of you assume that I'm just looking for a friend to hang out with. When in fact, my intentions are far more intricate, hence the "engage in platonic relationship." I am specifically looking for someone who is interested and willing to become a platonic companion. What that basically means is that we would be forming an affectionate attachment with the intellect of an opposite sex with no intentions of physical romance or sexual pleasures. In other words, I'm basically looking for a sexless marriage, though of course we don't actually have to get married.

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CRAIGSLIST: I've Got a Roommate for You!

Anyone looking for a change of location?  A reduction in rent?  A naked roommate in a Duane Reade inflatable pool? Well golly gee wilikers, do I have the solution for you!  And what would such an opportunity be without the allure of Brooklyn Craigslist casting its beautiful shadow over this offer?

Although you should visit the original ad and click the photo above for a full look at your potential new bestie, I'm a nice lady, so I'mma break it down for you.  Just the facts:

• A self-described "large person" who "likes to drink and smoke weed (nearly every day)"
• Dude's "seeing someone who is waaayyy out of his league," so get ready for some hot hot hot slumber parties!
• Your new roommate's got his self-image issues under control: "Comfortable with my body and am naked frequently generally when it is hot." And you know he's got manners: He gives you the heads up!
• Your new digs even come with a pool!  He "bought one of inflatable pools for the back yard and hangs out in it a lot to cool off."  Ultimate refreshment.  
• A bonus: "The neighbors are friendly and from your room/the back yard you can hear the young couple next door having sex."  Plus, he "enjoys it!"  Well, phewf, that takes care of the awkward stage of finding roommate bonding activities to share!

To top it right off, this guy adores animals and already has some fish.  Hours of fun ahead.  For only $360, this could be yours right this very second!  I just wish I hadn't signed on for my studio apartment back in June!

So, since I'm out of the running, who's ready to do it up at 126 Berkeley Place?!  If only I could quit with these exclamation points, but periods just won't do!

PARK SLOPE MOM - m4w: THE SWINGERS LIVE ON!

click to enlarge

I'll admit it - I'm a Missed Connections troll. 

But with good reason: I'm a notorious(ly sucessful) subway flirt.  In fact, last night alone I got asked out after two stops on the F train.  True story (and for the record, I declined; he asked for my number before my name (-10), and was also wearing a weird necklace (-15)--that shit is always questionable).

Like an obedient little puppy coming for its organic dog food every night, I can always count on the sex-starved rezzies of Park Slope to bear their souls/genitals on the Missed Connections board on a regular basis.  Shit's pretty entertaining on a normal day, but sometimes you stumble on a something so good, it helps you (me) justify why you're (I'm) up at three in the morning giggling like a schoolgirl.  Behold, the reason why we all fucking love Park Slope parents:

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'You noticed me noticing you'

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I'm all married-n-shit, but still; missed connections are fun! And this one came through on my RSS reader, so I couldn't resist. I'm praying that the subway dude with the loafers with the flip flop soles (!?) was wearing something *slightly* more interesting than a Yankees hat, but whatevs.

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'Being Sexy Is A Nasty Job, But Someone Has To Do It'

The Park Slope post offices seem to be breeding grounds for intense hate and explosions of disgust, but once in a while they are beakers for beautiful chemical reactions of love molecules (is that gross or hot?).

Lookie here at the following missed connection on the always ripe-with-possibilities Craigslist:

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