Brooklyn Gets (Rolling) Stoned

via justwilliam1959.wordpress.comAs the man with the enormous lips said: "You can't always get what you want." This is especially true if what you wanted was to scuttle the Barclays center and, for instance, stay in your home and/or business that was inconveniently located in the arena's footprint. But sometimes...sometimes...you get what you need. "What you need," henceforth, can be defined as a bloated, corporate tour from the grandaddies of the dinosaur rock groups. 

Yup, the Rolling Stones are saying hello, Brooklyn.

On on Dec. 8, they will be interrogating brown sugar, re: it's tastiness, and encouraging the starting up of themselves from our borough's gleaming new basektballetorium. The big shows just keep rolling in at that place, don't they? This'll be the only NY show on the band's upcoming tour, since they've neglected MSG in favor of Newark's Prudential Center. So yeah, Manhattan, how does it feel? To be on your own? Completely and utterly unlike a Rolling Stone? (I apologize profusely for that.)

Tickets go on sale Nov. 19 at 10am. Maybe you like to spend lotsa money on old, dancing singing men?

In the wake of Sandy, The Nets Have Postponed Their First Game

In keeping up with her string of dumping horrible shit on New York City, Hurricane Sandy has taken one more thing away from us: The Nets' very first game against the Knicks. The showdown was supposed to take place tonight, but because of the massive damage that Sandy has caused, including a shut-down of the entire subway system, the game has been postponed.

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P-Stew Officially Loves the Nets, Hates the Barclay Traffic

Yes, Patrick Stewart -- Park Slope's newest celebrity resident and my newest FiPS beat -- has joined the rest of us in expressing feelings for the much-loved Barclays Center. According to New York Magazine, he hates the traffic caused by the arena's recent events, saying, "When they had the Jay-Z concerts, Flatbush [Avenue] turned into a parking lot." 

But here's what P-Stew does love: the Nets. Yep, those boys dressed in black who recently doubled for grocery baggers at the Key Food on 7th Ave are a welcomed addition to Sir Patrick's new hood: "I am a sports fan and it now means that I can watch the Nets," he told the magazine. Stewart admits that he doesn't drive anyway, and likes the walk just fine: "When there’s a stadium a walk away from where you live, why wouldn’t you do that? Better than television." 

Um, I don't think it's better than watching yourself Captain the effing Enterprise on television. Just sayin'. 

Barclays Center Ankle Deep in Pee-Pee Scandal

According to New York Magazine, "Park Slope is Now Just a Big Puddle of Urine."

Though that sentiment may be a bit overdramatic, Park Slope residents living around the Barclays Center have been complaining recently about show patrons are peeing all over the 'hood. Whether it be against the Modells’ brick walls on Fourth and Atlantic or into the rose bushes of the Brooklyn Bears Community Garden on Pacific and Flatbush, the urine has been flowing freely since the Barclays opening.

A Brooklyn Bear Community garden keeper recently stopped a wayward pee-er before he unloaded all over her hard work. "He was about to release himself on the bushes and I told him, 'Hey, the plants!,'" she explained to NY Magazine. "He was right by the rose bushes, poor babies, a few feet from the grape vines I planted this year." Apparently, the key to stopping horrible people with an uncontrollable urge to destroy beautiful things using the filthy contents of their bladder is by yelling, “Hey, the plants!” The garden keeper goes on to explain that once she uttered those words, the man zipped up and ran off, presumably to unload himself elsewhere.

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Is the Barclays Center Guilty of Racial Profiling?

Photo via the New York Times

Recently, The Barclays Center was called out for its allegedly racist security procedures.  The arena was outfitted with metal detectors for the string of recent Jay-Z concerts and the Harlem Globetrotters, but did not have metal detectors for the more recent Barbra Streisand concert. Streisand fans were merely "wanded" which, really, was fine for most Streisand fans.  I love Babs and have been "wanded" many times, though normally I'm treated with dinner first.  Make the black people go through metal detectors, but wave a wand past the gays and old ladies?  That's how it's gonna be?  Really, Barclays Center?

After the media started reporting on The Barclays Center's questionable actions, representatives of the giant arena announced that they are abandoning metal detectors entirely and will only use the aforementioned wands; a change that they're attributing to "testing" various security methods in the wake of the departure of their security chief. Lookit.  I'm all in favor of effective security.  But if Barclays is going to accomplish this by profiling attendees, I have suggestions for a few of the events coming up in the next couple of weeks.

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