I Am So Getting Laid From This Blogging Thing

In response to my You Are Not My Facebook Friend, Mom post:

Anonymous said...

"effed in park slope, I want to have sex with you. Your eloquence reduces me to mere horniness. If you were a woman I would hate you for your pithy economy of language, but you are a man, and a depraved/deprived one at that. So can you please tell me how we can hook up and make sure you don't write about it here? email me. find out my ip address. i mean it."

January 30, 2009 10:48 PM

Hang in there "Mark"...there's plenty more where this came from.

p.s. FIPS, I love the shit out of you.

Post-Holiday Clearance Sale: Park Slope MILF Handjobs Starting as Low as $199.99

Today's the day I become a Serious Journalist.

I realize that up until this moment, my Reporter Qualifications consist of posting ripoffs of TheOnion to a snarky, smug, crappy little website.

Today's the day that changes.

Click to read more ...

BREAKING: Marketing Genius is in for Some Serious Poon

Oh my G0D, I'm gonna have a fucking panic attack.

Did you see this guy's Craigslist Ad?

This guy is a total fucking genius - talk about hitting your target audience. Let me break out the keystroke loggers and hidden cams, cause I just know he's gonna end up banging my wife.

Check this shit out:

Are you home all day, bored and devoid of sexual excitement and pleasure?

Uh, what park slope mom isn't?!?!

Is is your husband working all day and doesn't desire you when he comes home?

Please; you don't know the half of it! Not only do I come home exhausted - I can't even get it up under normal circumstances! I'm a totally flaccid software project manager, about 15 years past my sexual prime, AND doped up on anti-depressants: My manhood is essentially a wrinkled, shriveled acorn.

Are you taking care of your children all day and want someone to kiss, lick and caress your special spots?

Holy christ that's a low blow - he brings the kids into it you FUCK. Why not just mention how she has to pick up my dry cleaning while you're at it? And what is my kid supposed to do while you're banging his mom, you sick fuck?! Watch Dora?

I am not looking for any drama or to wreck an marriages just equal sexual satisfaction with an emphasis on pleasure...I am a 6'3 athletic male living in Park Slope. I am a successful and cultured.

Oh great, he's gorgeous AND rational. Fuck it, I'm going for a pre-emptive happy-ending massage. I am SO getting back at that lying, cheating bitch.

SEX IN THE SLOPE: 1 + 1 = ?

Ok, fuck it. We're just gonna go for it and see what happens.

Also we're guessing that all of you horny motherfuckers are just as curious as we are, so here it is:

How old are you?
Are you: married/single/dating?
How often do you get it on?

That's it.

Answer in the comments (and feel free to go stealth anon if you want some prive)