Q: Pay The Mortgage or Get A New Vibrator? A: Get A New Vibrator (Obvs)

Retail stores are closing (goodbye Circuit City), magzines are folding (don't even get me started on Domino), and restaurants are shuttering (NoNo Kitchen is no mo), but there's one thing you sexy bitches refuse to give up, apparently: your vibes:

"And at the sex-toy mini-chain Babeland, to the owners’ own surprise, it is the “luxury vibes”—sophisticated, often programmable vibrators with a price point of $125 and up—that are proving to be a recession-era blockbuster. September through December sales of those items have doubled compared to the year before. “This is not a beginner’s toy,” says Babeland’s head of publicity. “People are upgrading.” And why not? The very fact of living in this city means our life is guided by pleasure rather than value. Otherwise we’d be living in Philadelphia."

DAYM.

In fact, December was Babeland's best month for sales in their 15 year history!

a. This totally fucking rules.

b. I'm adjusting my birthday wishlist accordingly.

(via Gothamist)

Calling All MILF's and/or Other Park Slope Sexy Bitchez: Free Boudoir Photos

Consider this like a post Vday candy sale at Rite Aid:

"Hi Brooklynians -

I would like to build a boudoir portfolio & would love to shoot you for FREE.

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BREAKING: Park Slope Dad Gets Laid on Valentines Day

PARK SLOPE, Brooklyn (FIPSNN) - Just kidding: No he didn't.  There's never been a single Park Slope dad, in the 9 year history of Gentrified Brooklyn, that has ever gotten laid on Valentines Day.

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SEX IN THE SLOPE: Bar Bathroom Hookups

"After drinking away an afternoon in Prospect Park I found myself with some friends at Great Lakes—taking in the Pavement soundtrack and mainlining well whiskey. Things happen and I find myself making out with a girl. At the bar. The suggestion of leaving for her place is presented, but with a caveat: 'You can take me home and fuck me, but you HAVE to have brunch with me,' she whispers with complete seriousness, and a hint of anger. 'Promise? Promise!' I feel a deep pinch on my arm. In the bathroom I look at myself in the mirror, wind up and smack my face. Hard. Stumbling out of the bar at a double pace, I avoid eye contact with the girl, who's by then making out with another guy near where I left her. She's sorta fat."

Location: Great Lakes (284 Fifth Ave. at First St., 718-499-3710)

Age: 22 at the time

"Mark?" Is that you???

(via Metromix)

[Trying To Ge Fucked] In Park Slope

This is an ongoing series in which we attempt to bring you lots 'o different perspectives on what its like to *actually* live in Park Slope...from readers just like you (or not--that's the whole point).

Yet again, here's our own Jew-cy, randy, "can I get some action up in herrre, plz!," Park Slope hetero: "Mark*" (*names have been changed to protect the soon-to-be-fucked).

I can’t hold my liquor. Well, I can…but this hold dissipates when I’m ten deep and it’s 3 in the morning. I know it’s gone when dreams of chicken-and-something pizza from Joe's sound better and less complicated than going through the motions of getting this girl in front of me home.

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