Who Gives A Shit: Do You Want A Walmart In Brooklyn?

I've been to Walmart once in my life. To buy a gun.

Yes, I broke my decades-long boycott when we somehow got suckered into buying the older an air/bb rifle that he couldn't survive a summer upstate without. It's in a place of honor up in the inaccessible attic, after a visiting friend shot his brother with a stone he'd stuck down it this summer.

I love that gun even if it's not a Glock. But, given the precariousness of mental health conditions in our borough, I just don't feel comfortable with the idea of a Walmart coming to town. According to my due diligence on Glocktalk.com's Caliber Corner forum, you need a permit for a gun in NY, but what are the chances of them asking for it in East New York?

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Hog Mountain Dunzo

HOG MOUNTAIN, that manly man store on the corner of Sackett and 5th is officially GOING OUT OF BUSINESS!

Where am I gonna buy hammers and upscale shaving supplies for my man now?

This is sad news 4sure, but also: RED HOT SALE ALERT: socks are only $1 for a pack of 3! And not shitty Hanes socks, real fancy MAN socks. Get 'em while you can! The store is almost emptied out at this point, but Levi jeans are going for $35 a pop, and there is a cool table for $150 that I wish I had space for.

What's next for the moutain men? Dude that runs the store told me their next venture will be the wholesale fancy boot bidnezz. I'm sold.

Bagel Market Loves Ur Dog

Ok, as a long-time La Bagel Delight devotee, my feelings toward the new Bagel Market have been somewhat conflicted and slow to develop.

Initially they started winning me over with their mini-bagel options, but this sign above kinda takes me over the top. Basically you can call ahead, place your order, and if you're with your dog, they will come bring your order to the door--so you don't even have to tie the pooch up!

As everyone knows: I have a dog that's way the hell too hawt to leave tied up outside a store, so this service is BIG TIME appreciated. In fact, I wish more Park Slope businesses would do this shit too.

Only hitch is, their phone number doesn't seem to be listed ANYWHERE online. So while I'd love to try this doggie door delivery service out, and have all of you try this doggie door delivery service out, I guess we're all SOL until we uncover the magical digits.

Pull Out The Pitchforks: Billyburg May Be Getting an Apple Store Before Park Slope

Now that I've figured out what AYFKMWTS means... AYFKMWTS? Wiliamsburg better not be getting an Apple Store before us.

Rumors do tend to run rampant about whether or not BK will ever, ever get an Apple Store of our very own. So I suppose I should take this latest with a grain of salt. But still. It hurts. Here's what Curbed NY had to say about the alleged future Apple space:

We've reached out to both the Salvation Army and Fradkin & McAlpin Architects, but haven't heard back. So we visited the store, and a clerk told us the store will be closing for a "remodeling." When asked if it is indeed just a remodeling, the store's manager clammed up and directed us to the same Salvation Army contact listed on the permit, which is now being examined by the DOB. An Apple conspiracy? Eh, probably not. The architects have worked on Salvation Army projects in Brooklyn in the past. But we're sure Marty Markowitz is holding out hope.

Anybody know anything?

Gorilla Coffee Is Secretly Trying To Rip You Off

If you aren't already boycotting Gorilla Coffee for: 

+ Treating their employees like shit

+ Suing the NYT

+ Suing their former employees who quit

+ Being starfuckers

Then how bout this?

From a FIPS reader:

"I thought you might be interested in knowing that Gorilla Coffee is now selling 12oz bags of coffee beans for the same price ($11) for which they had been selling similar-looking 16oz bags.  And they totally tricked me into buying a bag.  As a customer who stayed loyal to them following all of that ugly publicity recently, this is the last straw.  To be sure, Gorilla has a right to raise its prices, but to do it sneakily and unannounced leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth.  I thought you might like to warn other Park Slope consumers of this attempted gouging."

Thanks to this thoughtful reader, consider yourselves warned.

Real smooth, Gorillz...REAL SMOOTH.