I Think It's Easier To Buy Cocaine Than It Is To Get Pills For My Dog

God bless America...seriously.

If I need some Vicodin I check in with my friend Mark, and he hooks a sista up. I have 4 extra Valium leftover from when we "borrowed" them from a generous family member (who wanted to be paid back in weed) from the time we took our overnight flight back from Spain. And I can buy my ephedra diet pills, no problemo, online.

Who knew that the most difficult fucking prescription drug challenge I'd have was getting my dog some goddamned pills.

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Anyone See This Killer Dog?

Apparently someone let him loose in the Prospect Park Tot Lot and one Park Slope Parent was NONE too pleased.  Nobody was hurt, mind you, but THAT'S NOT ALLOWED (!!!) and so now the angry parent is mobilizing the full force of the Park Slope Parents listserv.  Stay tuned for protest info...

(via Gawker)

Awwww....Who Wants A Turtle?

I'm counting on you mofos...someone needs to step up to the fucking plate and help MeredithB:

yeah I bought one of those red-eared sliders from some kid on the subway. I bought a tank too, filters, lights, rocks, etc. the whole deal.

But I am having to condense my possessions and I will not be able to keep him. So I'm either going to give it all away to someone who just loves turtles (maybe a school?) or he will have to make it on his own in July when I take him upstate a friends pond.

Someone?

Anyone?

(via Brooklynian)

Why The Fuck Is The Mere Existence of Animal Life In Park Slope "BREAKING NEWS??!!"

(ed note: I couldn't use a pic of an actual possum, b/c after the 2 min google search I conducted, I looked at some real possums and literally almost vomited all over my keyboard).

Why does everyone flip the fuck out in P. Slope when they spot "wild animals"? Why is this news?!? And I'm not talking about the pig-on-a-leash variety or the Lucky-13-Saloon-girls-on-poles-variety. A Daily Slope Message Board poster by the name of ringrunner brings us this “Breaking News!” by way of his equally important blog, “WHAT YOU DO NOT KNOW BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ME!” Who’s the guilty party this time around? A possum.

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Raccoon To Park Slope: OH Yes, You Will Be Mine

Please be on the look out for a wild, very pissed off Sunset Park Raccoon who is hell bent on becoming a Park Slope resident.

The dude probably read that bullshit about Pslope being the 7th Dreamiest neighborhood in the country or something. We really don't know...but he is not above eating through the windows of your beautiful brownstones, giving your children rabies OR fucking your nannies to make it happen.

WATCH OUT, EVERYONE! (and good luck kosherdave!)

"Last night I came home to my cat sitting on my bed, staring out the window. I thought I saw his reflection and that it was what he was staring at, then I realized it was a HUGE raccoon staring into my apt and I noticed my cat was actually growling at it. It had chewed through the screen of my window and tried to get in. The window was open about 3 inches.

Anyway, the thing was NOT scared of me. I tried to shoo it away and I closed the window, but for the next few hours it sat there and my other cat came to see it and they tried to smell each other thru the window. It actually seemed like it wanted to come in to be with the cats. Or maybe eat them."

(via Brooklynian)