WHO GIVES A SHIT: DOES YOUR PARK SLOPE DOG HAVE A 'TRENDY' NAME?

Oliver's name is officially not trendy. Dude is PISSED.If you live in Park Slope and you don't have a baby, you best have a dog. And if you do have a dog, it sure as shit better have a trendy goddamaned name. 

And just like you wouldn't want your trendy, zumba dancing bebe to have a regular ole name, you certainly don't want your labradoodle or puggle prancing around the streets of Park Slope sans a trendy moniker. In case you didn't get the memo: Spot and Fido are way the hell out. 

And so, herewith is a list of the trendiest, most on-point pooch names in the 11215. I'm guessing this list looks a hell of a lot the Kindergarten class roster at PS 321. 

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BASSET HOUND MEETUP IN PROSPECT PARK [CUTENESS EXPLOSION]

video by Greg Reitman

The 2nd Annual North Park Slope Basset Hound Association meetup went down yesterday in Prospect Park and trust me when I say: you have never seen so much unbridled adorableness in your entire friggin life.

Round about 18 Basset Hounds and their owners got their groove on for a few hours of Basset mayhem, and much fun was had by all.

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Time For Another Basset Hound Meetup, Yo!

Ok freaky fellow Basset Hound obsessives, mark your calendars! On Sunday, October 14th, we'll all be getting together for the second annual meeting of the North Slope Basset Association (NBA) in Prospect Park. 

In case you missed our get together last year, I can assure your asses it was all sorts of amazingsauce. Imagine the cuteness of a live puppy cam crossed with hotness of a DILF walking his little girl down the street in a tutu. Yep, it was even cuter than that. 

We had 10 or so Bassets the first time around, and this year we're hoping to have even more. And while we're a BK group, Bassets from anywhere and everywhere are, of course, welcome to join us. 

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WHAT TO DO WHEN: YOUR DOG EATS CHOCOLATE AND YOU THINK HE'S GONNA DIE

SPOILER ALERT: You should call Animal Poison Control. Here's their number: 888-426-4435

I would suggest you get that shit into your phone right now, just in case. 

Let me set the scene of this almost catastrophe for you: last week Greg and I were both sound asleep--or at least I was. Greg was awoken by the sound of Oliver's nails click, click, clicking across the floor at a clip that he deemed quite unusual for 6:45 in the morning. Curious, Greg got up and followed him into the living room...and that's where he saw the wreckage. Oliver had managed to unsheath, and eat, 36 of those gold, chocolate Chanukah gelt coins that he fished out of a Target bag that we (VERY FUCKING STUPIDLY) had left on the floor with all of our nieces and nephews gifts. 

OMFG, OMFG, OMFG, OMFG. 

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WHO GIVES A SHIT: Does Your Dog Walk Like A Complete Asshole?

Cause Oliver T-O-T-A-L-L-Y does.

Now look: I know that this is mostly my fault cause I just let him do it, but my dog obsesively zigzags up and down the street like it's his job. I've drawn a diagram of a typical walk down our block, and I swear to you: this is not even remotely an exaggeration.

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