I Think It's Easier To Buy Cocaine Than It Is To Get Pills For My Dog

God bless America...seriously.

If I need some Vicodin I check in with my friend Mark who has some bullshit chronic pain back situation, and he hooks a sista up. I have 4 extra Valium leftover from when we "borrowed" them from a generous family member (who wanted to be paid back in weed) from the time we took our overnight flight back from Spain. And I can buy my ephedra diet pills, no problemo, online.

Who knew that the most difficult fucking prescription drug challenge I'd have was getting my dog some goddamned pills.

SHEET.

I had my 3rd call with 1-800-PET-MEDS today. 

The first call was to confirm that they had received confirmation of Oliver's prescriptions from Animal Kind (they hadn't). The second call was to find out if they had received confirmation of Oliver's prescriptions from Animal Kind (they hadn't); BUT they gave me their fax number and told me I could just fax it! The third call was to find out WTF was going on? It was revealed to me that they do NOT, in fact, accept faxed prescriptions because "they've had way too many problems with them (!!!???). Also, they tried to call Animal Kind to confirm the prescriptions and the woman they spoke with on the phone "refused to confirm Oliver's medication."

Just. Fucking. Great.

So now I need to put these motherfucking prescriptions in the motherfucking mail.  And in the meantime, 2.5 weeks have passed, with my poor, sweet, adorable dog itching his ass off the whole friggin time because his allergies are literally at Mach 10.

And all this bullshit so we could save $175 by not just buying the shit at Animal Kind in the first fucking place.

The medical community should seriously take a page out of the veterinary prescription industry's playbook...those mofos run quite a tight ship.

Maybe I'll just give Oliver some Vicodin...we've got plenty of that.