Watch Out, or Your Bitch Might Get A Ticket

This just in from FIDO:

"In response to 'supposed' repeated complaints to 311; the parks department has sent forth its enforcement arm to ticket anyone off-leash, beginning at 9:01 am!

On Monday, January 11th, several people in the Long Meadow got tickets immediately after off-leash hours expired from enforcement on foot. So be warned..."

I assume they mean any DOG off leash at 9:01, rather than anyone, but you never can be too safe!

If You Love Someone, Set Them Free: Off Leash In Prospect Park

The picture above is an *actual* photo of our dog Oliver in Prospect Park Friday morn...without his leash on. Like FOR REAL.

[Deep breaths. Deep breaths].

This might not seem like a big deal to you, but trust me: it totally fucking is.

Click to read more ...

Do Not Throw An Egg At Me Or My Dog, Or I Will Cut A Bitch

Ok, so us BALLERS *are* always bitching about:

• babies in bars
• SUV strollers
• bratty kids in restaurants
• mommy/daddy entitlement
• etc.

BUT, I've never thrown a fucking egg at a BREEDER (or one of their bebes).

However, apparently some douchebag in Park Slope is takin things to just that level...though this douchebag is a puppy hater.

Click to read more ...

The Dog Whisperer Should Be Raising Your Kids

If you've ever seen the Dog Whisperer on the National Geographic channel, you know that the dude is a fucking miracle worker.

In fact, in an article in the NYT today, there are quite a few parents who claim that Cesar Millan's techniques work pretty darn well with kids too.

So, yeah: embrace that shit, Park Slope! Then the next time I'm at the Teat Lounge and your little bebe comes rollin on up to me with frosting all over their hands and goes to reach out and touch my macbook, I can let loose with a "TTTSSSSHHHHHHHHH!," and they'll know to back the fuck off.

Cool?

Marathons & Basset Hounds

photo: Michael Nagle for the NYT

Wanting to participate in the marathon hooopla, with no actual desire to run, this NYT reporter dude decided to walk around his Park Slope block 75 times, covering 26.2 miles--you  know, just like the NYC marathon!

I wasn't really able to pull out too many interesting tidbits from the journey he made (construction crew worked on building! 10-year-old walked her dog while reading a wizard book! A fat guy stood at his gate!), except for the fact that the reporter attempted to make this journey with his dog--a Basset Hound mix named Barnaby. And, needless to say, you know how we feel about Basset Hounds round here.

YO, Barnaby! Welcome to the Basset Hound crew of Park Slope! So far we've got: Oliver (duh), Oliver's neighborhood Basset BFF Bill, our down the street bud Rudy, a new recruit--Clementine, the marvelous little Maggie, a Basset I recently ran into at the farmer's market--Freddie, and I think Greg met a new sista recently named Precious. *If you have a Basset Hound and I've left you out, please email us immediately so that we can officially add you to the BH Park Slope Crew.

Thankfully, Barnaby was not required to walk all 75 laps around the block, because then Barnaby would be probably be dead (a 5k would be pretty frigin challenging for a Basset).

Anyway.

So this fake all-day marathon happened in Park Slope last week with a NYT reporter and his dog, and then the *real* NYC marathon happened yesterday.