Why The Fuck Is The Mere Existence of Animal Life In Park Slope "BREAKING NEWS??!!"

(ed note: I couldn't use a pic of an actual possum, b/c after the 2 min google search I conducted, I looked at some real possums and literally almost vomited all over my keyboard).

Why does everyone flip the fuck out in P. Slope when they spot "wild animals"? Why is this news?!? And I'm not talking about the pig-on-a-leash variety or the Lucky-13-Saloon-girls-on-poles-variety. A Daily Slope Message Board poster by the name of ringrunner brings us this “Breaking News!” by way of his equally important blog, “WHAT YOU DO NOT KNOW BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ME!” Who’s the guilty party this time around? A possum.

Okay okay, even we at FIPS have been known to be interested in the occasional raccoon sighting because the little fucker committed breaking-and-entering of Police Blotter-worthiness. In the case of the possum, here is how the blogger’s logic goes: “This was one big vermin. I mean, a block away is Prospect Park. But this is 8th Ave and Union St. Something is wrong.”

Is something wrong? Last time I checked, a possum is quite adept at walking a block, so the question remains, does this deserve to be news? Does this deserve to be BREAKING news?