Bike Wars-The Evil NBBL Strikes Back

Well FIPSters, the shit has officially hit the fan.

Our friends at Neighbors for (no more) Better Bike Lanes and their tardy allies the Seniors for Safety have officially bitch slapped the DOT with a classy lawsuit. And since I am officially the FIPS Bike Wars correspondent, it is my mission to report on this crucial new stage in the battle for Prospect Park West.

Not to bore those who have all the deets on this issue but if you're showing up late to the game you can catch up on how this monstrosity unfolds here:

Or here.

Or here.

And then there's here. Oh and don't forget about here.

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PRIME 6 PETITION TWO: ELECTRIC BUGABOO

God bless the fucking Internet, AMIRITE?! I would suck the internet's dick and let it shoot its load inside me.

I mean look: let's say you came across some blatantly racist whore, who needed to be schooled in an incalculable number of ways, but you knew that nothing you could ever do would teach her a lesson. The whole experience would leave you frustrated with the awful knowledge that she would never in a million years get what was coming to her!

But with the internet, you simply post about her on your blog that gets a million pageviews a month, and then BAM! Gawker, Gothamist, the NY Post, the Huffington Post, the Wall Street JOURNAL--all these fun-loving guys join in the fun, and pretty soon the entire tri-state area is calling her a cunt.

I wonder where she is, yaknow? Have you guys been thinking about that too? I want to see her reading all this press - I wonder if it's getting the message into her skull? Nah, it never does - I guarantee you she just just feels misquoted, maligned, and misunderstood.

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PRIME 6 PETITION: ANYTHING BUT HIP-HOP!

Sorry Park Slope: this is the kind of thing that makes me want to move to NJ and live in a white community that ADMITS they're racist.

Apparently this "petition" has been floating around facebook since yesterday; and I'm embarrassed to see that a few douchebags have actually SIGNED it.

The gist of it is that this retarded park slope yenta (non jewish? thank g-d) is trying to convince the owners of that new controversial bar on Flatbush, Prime 6, to "embrace indie music" instead of hip hop. If you read between the lines, the none-too-subtle message is that she'd rather have white guys in flannels standing around her patio than hard hittin' brothas with blow-torches and pairs a' pliers.

Boogity Boogity Boogity, Jennifer!!! The blacks are comin' and they're gonna GETCHA!!!

Brooklyn Nets! Hoo. Ha. Hoo. Ha. Say goodbye to property values! Here they come! Yo, Flatbush KFC is next son, HOLLA!

Clueless fucking cunt.

p.s. Check out vids of Jennifer's homies protesting shit at the Community Board meeting on Monday night here.

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THE PROSPECT PARK BIKE LANE WILL KILL YOU! Or Whatever!

A couple of things that amaze me:

1) Salmon return to the place of their birth to die.

2) CBS 2 News reporter Marcia Kramer seems to get younger as the years go by.

3) And… I’m writing, once again, about this GODDAMNNED BIKE LANE on Prospect Park West.

Ok so here’s the shovel full of cow shit I have for you this week: apparently people are still taking video footage of the PPW bike lane (because it’s not psychotic enough for a bike lane to take up this much of your headspace), and after weeks of fishing, they F-I-N-A-L-L-Y caught a big mother fuckin’ fish: an ambulance using the controversial bike lane to avoid a traffic jam!

Annnnnd commence Neighbors for Better Bike Lanes switching their cry baby bullshit into high gear. GO.

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Your New Commute: A Dramatic Account

What a great way to start your brand-new commute, South Slopers: with a great big ice storm (or, “wintry mix” as the news calls it)!  Aren’t you excited? 

If you’re anything like me, all of these terrible subway changes have ruined your life forever because you're dramatic and you have no other real problems in your life, so you have to fixate on things that are just moderately annoying and not terribly bad.  How's THAT for self-awareness?

SO: if you're a jerk like me with white people problems, here is a dramatic account of what your life is going to be like for the forseeable future...

PS: Are subway problems considered white people problems?  Because we ARE talking about public transit, right?

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