NY Times To Gorilla Coffee: AYFKMWTS??

Le sigh.

This shit is officially boring me more than babies in bars.

Unsurprisingly, the NYT, you know CAUSE THEY'RE NOT FUCKING MORONS, have moved to dismiss the ridiculous, retarded, spectacularly stupid libel case that Gorilla Coffee is waging against them, as well as their former employees.

They officially filed a motion to dismiss the case, and I'm sure, based on my belief that logic is at least still a teeny tiny factor in these sorts of decisions, it will probably be granted. Here's why:

...through this lawsuit management—while undoubtedly happy that the newspaper published its side of events—seeks to punish the Times for telling the public what the workers were saying. Not surprisingly, neither the state nor the federal constitution nor the law of libel allows the plaintiffs to do that—to use civil litigation to silence newspapers that publish opinions they disagree with.

At this point, Gorilla's only hope for winning me back is to invite me over for a private photography sesh with Taylor-n-Jakey poo. Otherwise, I'm just over it all.

(via Eater)

Food Fight!!!! Whole Foods v. Food Coop and Stroller Heather v. Amy Sohn

The New York Observer has an article out this week on the prudes of Park Slope and whether we'll schlep our entitled, gentrified asse(t)s downhill to the scary, dirty, desolate, but newly non-toxic site of Whole Foods Gowanus.

It was only a matter of time before big-box brown rice capitalism landed in Brooklyn, which in the last four years has welcomed Fairway, Ikea and Trader Joe's. Whole Foods has opened six stores in New York since 2001, all in Manhattan. But proximity to Park Slope, the epicenter of purpose-driven, pseudo-suburban family life in Brooklyn, opens a whole new can of worms. Residents have so far staved off high-end retail, other than the odd boutique, despite being a branch office of Manhattan economically. One cannot even find a Gap in its increasingly lily-white environs. 

This is Park Slope Food Coop territory, after all. 

Brownstoner put up a link and the comments quickly started rolling in, 154 at last count (and I just had to restart because that fucking website crashed my laptop). Anyway, the comments stream morphed into a kind of awesome food fight between lovers and haters of the Food Coop, Whole Foods, Amy Sohn and the latest greatest new Park Slope celebrity (if I have anything to say about it, anyway)...STROLLER MAMA HEATHER.

Click to read more ...

Gorilla Coffee Is Secretly Trying To Rip You Off

If you aren't already boycotting Gorilla Coffee for: 

+ Treating their employees like shit

+ Suing the NYT

+ Suing their former employees who quit

+ Being starfuckers

Then how bout this?

From a FIPS reader:

"I thought you might be interested in knowing that Gorilla Coffee is now selling 12oz bags of coffee beans for the same price ($11) for which they had been selling similar-looking 16oz bags.  And they totally tricked me into buying a bag.  As a customer who stayed loyal to them following all of that ugly publicity recently, this is the last straw.  To be sure, Gorilla has a right to raise its prices, but to do it sneakily and unannounced leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth.  I thought you might like to warn other Park Slope consumers of this attempted gouging."

Thanks to this thoughtful reader, consider yourselves warned.

Real smooth, Gorillz...REAL SMOOTH.

Mama Rosa vs. FIPS: The Battle Rages On

Fuck it...the gloves are officially OFF ppl.

So, a few weeks ago I wrote a rather scathing review of the new latin food eatery Mama Rosa. While I didn't hold back, I gave an honest (read: UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE) account of what went down that night. And let's just say shit was very much not pretty.

I thought that would be the end of it, but alas, the internet does NOT disappoint yet again.

Allow me to re-introduce you to Weird Watier and Crystal Necklace dude. I'm not sure how deeply entrenched these fine fellows are in the Mama Rosa empire, but needless to say: they're both pretty damn chatty. And if you think they're leaving notes of apology, think again:

Click to read more ...

PROTEST SHIT: Park Slope Versus the PPW Bike Lane

OMGZ DO THE NEW PPW BIKE LANES MAKE YOU SO ANGRY YOU WANT TO SCREAM? DO YOU THINK BIKE LANES ARE SOCIALISM IN ACTION? RAH RAH SIS BOOM BAH BOOOOO BIKE LANES? Then you're in luck.

FIPS reader Anne wrote in about a protest against those new PPW bike lanes that're making everyone extra cranky.  It's happening next Thursday. (Anne astutely notes that we even have the best protests. We are #1, duh.)  The scoop:

Thursday on PPW and Carroll Street, there’s going to be a protest against those fucking bike lanes.  You know the ones that reduced the number of parking spaces, created a three lane road into two lanes causing more idling cars, fender benders, honking and traffic congestion, not to mention that the bicyclists don’t heed any traffic laws and zoom through lights then when you yell at them they tell you to fuck off.

This shit's happening Thursday, October 21st at 8:30 (call in dead to work and blame it on the bike lane) if you wanna go.  Bring a sign and your favorite Abbie Hoffman quote.  And don't shoot the fucking messenger, K?  I am just your humble disciple of all things Park Slope, as well as Anne's candid admission: "I must confess, my dogs McLovin and Blue like the bike lanes.  They present a nice smooth surface to poop on."

R U pencilin' it in?

Photo: votingfemale.wordpress.com