FIPS UNDERCOVER III: Target, Atlantic Center Mall [Worse Than A Pap Smear]

This is part three of our four part series in which we attempt to uncover, once and for all, why the hell Target at the Atlantic Center Mall sucks a big dick.

ICYMI, Here's part one and part two.

NEWSFLASH: it's February. Christmas was over a month and a half ago. Now Duane Reade wants you to buy their Walt Whitman variety pack, chalky conversation hearts and pink M&M's. Back in our fave-oh-reet retail establishment, however, they *still* seem to be "restocking their shelves." That Christmas rush must have been fierce.

Dear anyone who is still claiming this shit is all a fluke: F.U.C.K. Y.O.U.

Click to read more ...

FIPS UNDERCOVER PART II: Target Atlantic Center Mall [An Abortion of Retail]

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This is part two of our four part series in which we attempt to uncover, once and for all, why the hell Target at the Atlantic Center Mall sucks a big dick.

ICYMI, Here's part one.

For those who might be wondering (cause we read your comments like we were studying for an exam): yes, we are all pompous, yuppie, assholes. But that has fuck all to do with how deeply and profoundly this Target sux.

We returned to Tarjay this past weekend (same time, same place), for another afternoon of fun.

Again, please note: we have not manipulated or "reused" video in any way here (except to blur out faces). This place actually sucks this hard.

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FIPS UNDERCOVER: Target, Atlantic Center Mall [The Seventh Level of Hell]

This is part one of our four part series in which we attempt to uncover, once and for all, why the hell Target at the Atlantic Center Mall sucks a big dick.

(see part TWO here)

We double dawg dare you to try to conjure up a more poorly run, haphazardly stocked, woefully understaffed shit show of a retail establishment...a-n-y-w-h-e-r-e. Brownstoner wondered if the big box retailer's empty shelves over the holiday season signified the end of the global recession!

HAAAAAHHHH!

The only thing that shit signified was: Saturday.

Even if you can dig back into the deepest, darkest, furthest reaches of your mind to come up with a more fucked up store, it won't fly...cause dudez! This is Target! Tar-jay!

You're supposed to walk into Target, anywhere, and know exactly what you're getting. This place always looks like downtown Baghdad post Bush/Cheney special sauce bombz.

So here's what went down: we hauled our asses into the store on a typical Saturday afternoon and documented what we saw (and no, it was not pretty). I asked as many Target employees as I could find, one simple question: where are the duvet covers?

Hilarity ensued.

Please note: we have not manipulated or "reused" video in any way here (except to blur out faces). We shot endless rows of empty aisles and did not simply recycle shots of one poorly stocked aisle. This place actually sucks this hard.

Stay tuned for Part 2 next week!

Target @Atlantic Center Mall: The Seventh Level of Hell

This is a photo taken at the Atlantic Center Mall Target. Brownstoner wonders if this is a sign that there actually isn't a recession after all?

Those of us who regularly visit this particular Tarjay outpost know that these empty shelves have NOTHING to do with xmas, the recesssion, or anything else other than:

*This is, hands down, the most poorly run retail outpost of any store, a-n-y-w-h-e-r-e.
*Whomever is responsible for stocking their shelves does an earth-shatteringly horrendous job (ALWAYS).
*The employees of this particular store are all: clueless, wildly unmotivated, and generally pissed off at you for daring to enter their space and bug them whilst they fool around, steal shit and ignore people.
*If you haven't ever been there, you should never go there. EVER.

That's all.

(via Brownstoner).

Is There ANYONE Out There, Anywhere On The Planet That Doesn't HATE Time Warner? Just Curious...

Dear Time Warner,

My cable modem stopped working yesterday morning. No outtages, no inclement weather. It just stopped working.

I was home sick, and as you can imagine, Dr. Phil and Intervention got real old real quick. My tivo queue kept me busy for a few hours with some Blush eps and CBS News Sunday Mornings, but after several hours, I needed my dub dub dub fix.

So, I called you....and that's pretty much when I decided that I wanted to kill myself.

Not "metaphorically" kill myself, I mean, take my own life kill myself. I don't mean to make light of such an, admittedly, gravely serious and unfortunate circumstances as the act of choosing to commit suicide, but after the experience of spending 60+ minutes on the phone with various customer service reps within your horrendous, poorly-run, Bob Saget Roast joke of an organization, [in that moment of utter, full-bodied frustration], suicide struck me as my only viable option.

Now, granted, perhaps my poor state of general health contributed to a reduced level of patience with your retarded and/or severely mentally handicapped staff, but I honestly don't think so. I called you yesterday with an open mind and an open heart...and within record time you left me feeling like I wanted to kick a puppy (or several).

After my epic-ly horrendous experience, I offer you a few suggestions you might want to consider moving forward, in order to prevent further suicidal tendencies from developing amongst your, likely, shrinking customer base:

1. Hire people who aren't brain dead.
2. Hire people who don't hate everyone who calls.
3. Offer those of us who are not TOTALLY FUCKING STUPID an option that will allow us to bypass all of the TOTALLY FUCKING STUPID trouble shooting methods you need to employ with 80 year old grandmas who don't understand the concept that AOL is not the world wide web and/or that plugging your motherfucking cable modem is a pre-requisite to it working. Maybe something like this: "how is your wireless network set up?" If you receive a cogent answer to this question, you can establish that: the customer knows what a wireless network is; likely knows how to set one up; does not need to be asked eleven different ways if their motherfucking cable modem is plugged in and/or if they have tried restarting their computer.
4. Go fuck yourselves right in your fucking faces.

Let me say this: FIOS, if you are out there, I am waiting, cable box in hand to welcome you into the warm bossum of our cable ready household. I don't care if you cost more money...or make me sign a contract. I don't care if you offer 3 major networks instead of 4. HB-Ho instead of HBO: no problemo. I don't care if the majority of my programming will be delivered to my flatscreen in Spanish. I will learn Spanish. If it means that I can once and for all, be done with the blood sucking, moronic, bad-attitude douchetards at Time Warner, I will pay any price and make any sacrifice. Call me.

Sincerely,
me