Is There ANYONE Out There, Anywhere On The Planet That Doesn't HATE Time Warner? Just Curious...

Dear Time Warner,

My cable modem stopped working yesterday morning. No outtages, no inclement weather. It just stopped working.

I was home sick, and as you can imagine, Dr. Phil and Intervention got real old real quick. My tivo queue kept me busy for a few hours with some Blush eps and CBS News Sunday Mornings, but after several hours, I needed my dub dub dub fix.

So, I called you....and that's pretty much when I decided that I wanted to kill myself.

Not "metaphorically" kill myself, I mean, take my own life kill myself. I don't mean to make light of such an, admittedly, gravely serious and unfortunate circumstances as the act of choosing to commit suicide, but after the experience of spending 60+ minutes on the phone with various customer service reps within your horrendous, poorly-run, Bob Saget Roast joke of an organization, [in that moment of utter, full-bodied frustration], suicide struck me as my only viable option.

Now, granted, perhaps my poor state of general health contributed to a reduced level of patience with your retarded and/or severely mentally handicapped staff, but I honestly don't think so. I called you yesterday with an open mind and an open heart...and within record time you left me feeling like I wanted to kick a puppy (or several).

After my epic-ly horrendous experience, I offer you a few suggestions you might want to consider moving forward, in order to prevent further suicidal tendencies from developing amongst your, likely, shrinking customer base:

1. Hire people who aren't brain dead.
2. Hire people who don't hate everyone who calls.
3. Offer those of us who are not TOTALLY FUCKING STUPID an option that will allow us to bypass all of the TOTALLY FUCKING STUPID trouble shooting methods you need to employ with 80 year old grandmas who don't understand the concept that AOL is not the world wide web and/or that plugging your motherfucking cable modem is a pre-requisite to it working. Maybe something like this: "how is your wireless network set up?" If you receive a cogent answer to this question, you can establish that: the customer knows what a wireless network is; likely knows how to set one up; does not need to be asked eleven different ways if their motherfucking cable modem is plugged in and/or if they have tried restarting their computer.
4. Go fuck yourselves right in your fucking faces.

Let me say this: FIOS, if you are out there, I am waiting, cable box in hand to welcome you into the warm bossum of our cable ready household. I don't care if you cost more money...or make me sign a contract. I don't care if you offer 3 major networks instead of 4. HB-Ho instead of HBO: no problemo. I don't care if the majority of my programming will be delivered to my flatscreen in Spanish. I will learn Spanish. If it means that I can once and for all, be done with the blood sucking, moronic, bad-attitude douchetards at Time Warner, I will pay any price and make any sacrifice. Call me.

Sincerely,
me

Comments

[Anonymous]

My thoughts exactly. When Adelphia ran the cable system in Buffalo, it worked and we got NFL network free. Now, we can get the NFL network or decent service. How's this sound. I get cable but to do so, I have to take off a day of work. The only reason i can afford these asshole proces is because I work but I have to take off to get it. ok - fair enough. They ahve to get in the house. So time goes by and the picture gets shittier and shittier. So I have to take off a half day of work again. They guy comes out and measures the signal and says taht the cable company has added too many taps on the connection I'm on. So he switches things around on the pole, calls the central office, and the picture is fixed.

So tell me again why the fuck i had to take off. Why can't these assholes not put too many connections on and then wait for complaints? And when the get a complaint, why can't they measure the signal outside and schedule me to be home only if there's no problem there?

I hate these fuckers. And New York State refuses to regulate them with the Public Service Commission so consumers just ahve to deal with them directly.

[fierskie]

Class action law suit, anyone? California did it, why not PS?

Erica, you start and we'll join you!

http://consumerist.com/consumer/time-warner-cable/california-city-fines-time-warner-cable-25000-for-consistently-awful-service-246446.php

[Anonymous]

I'm in on the class action. Time Warner sux ballz!

To all their customer reps -- I'm sorry if you hate your job. I hate your job and you too. Can you spell supervisor?

My fave part of the many customer service calls with them is when they put me on hold and use lo-fi, soviet-era hold music in order to, I presume, make my blood boil. Works. Every time.

Fuck you time warner. When the state-sponsored monopoloy ends, you will regret the way you treated your customers.

[Neil]

Yup, here's another couple slopers totally disgusted with TWC. We'd waiting for FIOS, but in the meantime canceling cable and going with a $9 HD antenna from best buy. The networks come in crystal clear in HD and look amazing. Currently researching how to DVR antenna channels...