BREEDER v. BALLER: Strollers On The Subway

Each week Once in a blue moon, we will attempt to bring you the unbiased, unedited points-of-view of a bonafide, ginuwine Park Slope Breeder (mom/dad) and a real deal, smokin, sexin, drinkin Park Slope Baller (child free-n-lovin it) on a variety of topics. Identities will remain anonymous, of course, to protect the soon-to-be lynched. This week: Strollers on the Subway.

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BREEDER vs BALLER: Kids Will Make You Poor

Each week Once in a blue moon, we will attempt to bring you the unbiased, unedited points-of-view of a bonafide, ginuwine Park Slope Breeder (mom/dad) and a real deal, smokin, sexin, drinkin Park Slope Baller (child free-n-lovin it) on a variety of topics. Identities will remain anonymous, of course, to protect the soon-to-be lynched. This week: Kids will make you poor.

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Who Gives A Shit: BALLER Kenpo Rights?

As well all know, BREEDERS are annoying. In addition to taking over all bars and restaurants in Park Slope, all sidewalks, all parks, and all parking spots, now BREEDERS are insisting that we all get fat. Behold this sad story from a childfree FIPS reader:

"My street and building in South Park Slope used to be mainly artists and minorities. It was a nice quiet life for nearly 4 years. Then in the last six months we've been invaded. My entire building has become a house of horrors: crying babies, yippy dogs and pretentious parents. We're surrounded on all sides.

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BREEDER vs BREEDER: New Moms Gone Wild

Fine, I'm in. I hate us too.

I've said it myself: people are assholes or not, whether or not they have kids. But, there is something particularly godawful about the entitlement of the new mommy. I can understand that this is probably hormonal and you will get over it, but I must ask that you go away until you do!

Yesterday morning, I was literally almost mowed down on the way to drop-off by a gogo-booted mother speedwalking with her stroller. We were waiting for a light to change so I don't know where she thought her bitchy, "excuuuuuse me" was going to get her but she didn't give it a passing thought as she jack-booted her fat ass in her retro mini dress down the street. What happened to the motherhood of arms!? Or some united shit like that...

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Shitmykidsruined.com: Greatest Parenting Site Ever?

Thanks to having Huffington Post as my homepage, I stumbled upon this diabolically ingenious website: Shit My Kids Ruined. It seemed particularly timely what with all you alleged "BALLERS" going to town about the perks of a kid-free existence.

While I do sometimes yearn--it's true--for world travel, a tranquil home, and uninterrupted hooch, I wouldn't trade my little people for anything. 

Nonetheless, I couldn't help but note yesterday (before I got a gander at Shit My Kids Ruined) that my beautiful, one-of-a-kind red fox seems to have been GORILLA GLUED, as if SOMEBODY broke this work of art by renowned Nova Scotia folk artist Bradford Naugler. 

Heads will roll!!!!! But, in the meantime, yuck it up at shitmykidsruined.com.