WHO GIVES A SHIT: HOW SEXY DO YOU GET?

I know I'm like a couple of years late on this news - whatever, I've been locked in the Tea Lounge writing this book forever - but a friend just passed me an article from the Daily News that says the average New York woman sleeps with about twenty partners in her lifetime (the rest of the country a paltry nine, in case you're el curioso).  The Daily News compared our sluttoriousness to the "Sex and the City" girls, so BTW, if you ever thought they were whorebags, go give yourself a once-over in the mirror.

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BK MEATUP: THIS SHIT WORKS, PART ZWEI [+ 2 for 1 Guy's Special!]

Duh, that's not the anon FIPS reader...why would she write in anonymously and then send a fucking picture??

So, all of your BALLER-ly asses already have tickets for the V-DAY MEATUP, I'm sure, but for you unbelievers, we have a story from a real, live FIPS regular about the last Meatup to help show you that on top of getting sloshed on a weeknight and reverting back to Kindergarten-level shyness, you may find that true lurve is lurking 'round the dark Bell House corner.  Like our last "This shit works" post, this little BK hottie has chosen to stay anon, but I can personally vouch that she's alive and well and not a droid/bot/mechanical creation of choice.  So grab a beer, slip on your footie PJs, and pull up your magic carpet for storytime:

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Armory YMCA Opening on Sat [Sometimes People Send Me Random Stuff]

Exhibit motherfucking A.

I knew I wasn’t the *only* person completely freaking stoked about the Park Slope Armory (opening Saturday, WHAT!). 

This morning, I got a surprise present in my inbox from FIPS reader Majo who took her own stoked-dom about the Armory opening to a level that just kicked FIPS right in the ass.  Now, I’m completely unsure why this exists or what on god’s green earth prompted her to do this (maybe a Robicelli’s cupcake binge, if we’re going for a PG-13 guess here?!) but lo and behold, your new Armory Anthem (see above).

Fucking cartwheels, people.  Endless cartwheels (God, some of you Slopers are weird).

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The Case of the Missing Mail (COTMM)

A potential breakthrough the in FIPS Case of the Missing Mail (COTMM trademarked, bitches).  This shit was spotted at L&B Spumoni Gardens on 86th Street in South Brooklyn on Saturday: a USPS mail carrier grabbing a square slice...or five.

Now, I'm not trying to insinuate that our missing mail is the result of our mail people skipping their shifts to grab some of the, arguably, best pizza in the borough (yes, I just went there again, let's fight), but if two and two makes four, then hey, my liberal arts education and I cannot be blamed.  

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Fuck Yeah, Park Slope Armory!

I AM SO EXCITED I CANNOT CONTAIN MYSELF.

South Slopers sometimes get the shaft.  We’re told we live in Windsor Terrace (this may or may not be true).  We have no express train (yes, I will mention this in every post I make, go cry about it).  We have to explain on a daily basis that Terrace Bagels beats the bloody pulp out of Bagel Hole (go cry about this, too). We’re sort of like that obnoxious kid you have to love just because it’s related to you.

But this morning, our buddies at Brokelyn posted that the Armory on 15th and Eighth is now a state-of-the-art, 9th-street-in-your-face Y!  That’s right, 9th–STREET-IN-YOUR-FACE.  This is stupid awesome.

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