Mo Problems, Mo Problems [Puffy-n-Biggie at the Meatup?]

Behold: our brand spankin' new advice column from my favorite dead rap superstar and yours, (Not) Notorious Big.

BOOM! [you're welcome]

Each week, coupla weeks, whenever the fuck he feels like it, Twitter Biggie is gonna answer your most burning questions about life, love and the pursuit of big booty bitches. If you've got mo problems, Biggie's got mo money answers.

In honor of Valentine's Day, we had Big Poppa tackle all of your burning questions about sex-n-dating.

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BK MEATUP: THIS SHIT WORKS, PART ZWEI [+ 2 for 1 Guy's Special!]

Duh, that's not the anon FIPS reader...why would she write in anonymously and then send a fucking picture??

So, all of your BALLER-ly asses already have tickets for the V-DAY MEATUP, I'm sure, but for you unbelievers, we have a story from a real, live FIPS regular about the last Meatup to help show you that on top of getting sloshed on a weeknight and reverting back to Kindergarten-level shyness, you may find that true lurve is lurking 'round the dark Bell House corner.  Like our last "This shit works" post, this little BK hottie has chosen to stay anon, but I can personally vouch that she's alive and well and not a droid/bot/mechanical creation of choice.  So grab a beer, slip on your footie PJs, and pull up your magic carpet for storytime:

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ANYONE GOT A JEW DUDE I CAN BORROW?

Thankfully, no one appears to have been inspired by the supremely uncool Kill Jews strips of paper discovered on 6th Ave. last week. Park Slope Jews seem to be alive and well!

Given that’s the case, anyone got a decent one for my downstairs neighbor?

She’s early 30s, good-lookin’, smart, professional—and very cool. We like having her around, but if she doesn’t find a decent Jew boy she might move away. Not to Israel or anything, which would probably increase her odds and all, but the simple fact is: we’d like to keep her in Park Slope. I don’t think she’ll go for Hasids; I doubt she digs the furry hats. I think she eats bacon, too, but for some reason she still wants a Jew boy.

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ARE MARRIED COUGARS LOOKIN' FOR ACTION WELCOME AT THE MEATUP?

This just in from the FIPS mailbag:

Do you know whether Meatup people are generally looking for a new girlfriend/boyfriend, or a one-night stand? If a married-but-still sexy MILF/BR-ALLER in her 40s shows up, looking for Mr. Right Now (but not necessarily Mr. Right), is there a snowball's chance in hell that she could get laid?

Well, fine readers: what say you?

[Personally, I think that if this MILF is actually a ginuwine MILF (and not just a poseur MILF who actually looks like one of these frumpy moms), she has about an 86% chance of getting laid that night].

V-DAY IN YOUR PJ'S MEATUP [OH YES WE DID]

You people think I'm kiddin around about this "everyone is gonna get laid at the Meatup" bullshit, but I'm telling you: the day after these things, my inbox is totally fucking flooded with people who are reachin out to give us internet high fives and thank us for helpin them get some action. And, yes, we've even got ourselves quite a few ginuwine happy BK Meatup couples! I'm not sure why or how, but people keep gettin down.

So yeah, here's the scoop on the next one for all you horny motherfuckers:

On Thursday, Feburary 11th, we're takin over the Bell House again for the baddest, bestest Pajama Party your ass has ever been to! The pre V-day shenanigans are going to be non-stop: you can go with lingerie or you can go with feetsie pajamas, but we're havin ourselves an old fashioned pajama party! (so come dressed to impress!).

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BK Meatup: The Aftermath

photo via Metromix NY

This shit is so old by now, I may as well have waited until we had our *next* Meatup, and then I could do a side-by-side comparison.

Anyway.

I'm not going to go into a ton of detail, because quite honestly I've smoked a lot of weed since then and I don't really remember much.

Metromix New York has this killer round-up of photos that you should look through immediately (all those people are probably taken by now, but whatever).

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BK MEATUP: This Shit Works, People [The Puppies-n-Rainbows Edition]

Ok, so ICYMI, the singles event of the season, the Naughty Office Party themed Holiday BK Meatup, is TONIGHT at the Bell House. If you don't already have your ticket, you need to GET. ONE. NOWWWWW. Because this Meatup shit works!(and I don't want to hear any bullshit about the rain, people. Finding true love/lust/hookups is worth a couple of raindrops...TRUST).

In today's installment, we catch up with Frank-n-Becca--no code names needed!! These two little firecrackers also hooked up at the first Meatup, and have been giving each other googly eyes ever since (OMGZ! Should we set up Frank-n-Becca and Joe-n-Jenny on a BK Meatup double date!? How cute would that be??? Did you just throw up in your mouth?).

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