FIPSGASM: BABELAND BOOK WINNER

Congratulations, Slope - you're all a bunch of sick fucks, and FIPS <3s you for it.  I know that, besides the swingers, we don't necessarily have the rep for being the wild and craziest nabe, but most of you did a hell of a job at getting this single girl's blood flowing.

This wasn't an easy choice, so if you disagree with my decision, knock yourself out: feel free to bitch and moan that you were robbed, or prove me wrong (FYI, I find gingers and 30-somethings who are dicks to me irresistible).  I couldn't choose just one, so behold, your winners:

READ MORE

ORGANIC AS FUCK: WHERE'S THE COOP GOSSIP?

Like, really.  Need I say more?

What's up, Slope?  No Food Coop gossip as of late?  You're slipping.  FIPS can't deal with the idea of a couple of weeks without some juicy Coop-y smut, so come on, feed us.  Go stealth anon in the comments, as Erica would say.

Don't let those organic fucks from Lefferts outdo the sleazy trash talk ring of which Park Slope is so proud.

(On another related note, looks like Whole Foods in Gowanus is still full steam ahead.  I don't know about you, but the idea of eating anything housed that close to the canal makes my stomach churn.  I'm thinking like, kale with octopus arms and shit.  Sex, food, and other precarious situations combining the two: below Fourth Avenue, all bets are off.  Thoughts?)

COVERSPY: BECAUSE WE ARE ALWAYS JUDGING YOU

 

CoverSpy, the blog that tracks what all of your asses are reading on the subway, is one of my favorite new blogs. I love it mostly because it's fun being judgmental about what you’re reading, but also, because one of the main spies appears to live in the Slope (or surrounding area), since 75 percent of what (s)he posts occurs off the F train out of BK.

Yesterday morning, while perusing CoverSpy and judging you for your Jodi Picoult and cultural history of menstruation (yes, this is real) selections, I almost choked on my chamomile tea.  Oh Park Slope, congratulations.  You’ve officially out-caricatured yourself:

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer (F, 20s, brunette, Park Slope Coop tote, F train)

Well done, my loves.  Now, which one of you is this…besides all of you?

PARK SLOPE MOM - m4w: THE SWINGERS LIVE ON!

click to enlarge

I'll admit it - I'm a Missed Connections troll. 

But with good reason: I'm a notorious(ly sucessful) subway flirt.  In fact, last night alone I got asked out after two stops on the F train.  True story (and for the record, I declined; he asked for my number before my name (-10), and was also wearing a weird necklace (-15)--that shit is always questionable).

Like an obedient little puppy coming for its organic dog food every night, I can always count on the sex-starved rezzies of Park Slope to bear their souls/genitals on the Missed Connections board on a regular basis.  Shit's pretty entertaining on a normal day, but sometimes you stumble on a something so good, it helps you (me) justify why you're (I'm) up at three in the morning giggling like a schoolgirl.  Behold, the reason why we all fucking love Park Slope parents:

READ MORE

SLOPE FAMILY MED CTR: THE KING OF MY SHITLIST

No, you'll never walk through that door.  But keep staring at it and maybe it'll start talking.

How was your morning?  Did you enjoy a delicious breakfast sandwich?  A carefree day after snowmageddon commute?  The sweet sound of birds chirping outside your window?  And how was my morning, you ask?  I SPENT TWO AND A HALF HOURS WAITING IN A GERM-INFESTED WAITING ROOM TO SEE A DOCTOR.  WHO ENDED UP PRESCRIBING ME SUDAFED AND IBUPROFEN.

READ MORE