Sex(less) In the Slope

I happened upon this little item yesterday on New York Mag’s Daily Intel about just how much New Yorkers hear their neighbors having sex:
 
“About two-thirds of city residents say they regularly hear their neighbors having sex, according to a survey from real-estate website Brick Underground.”
 
And yes, BREEDERS are apparently fucked if we do and fucked if we don’t.
 
"At this point I'll trade hearing sex for hearing the results of their sex. I really need to find a child-free building."
By ACharmer on 02/12/2010 at 12:05pm

I was momentarily titillated (no, not literally).  

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WHO GIVES A SHIT: HOW SEXY DO YOU GET?

I know I'm like a couple of years late on this news - whatever, I've been locked in the Tea Lounge writing this book forever - but a friend just passed me an article from the Daily News that says the average New York woman sleeps with about twenty partners in her lifetime (the rest of the country a paltry nine, in case you're el curioso).  The Daily News compared our sluttoriousness to the "Sex and the City" girls, so BTW, if you ever thought they were whorebags, go give yourself a once-over in the mirror.

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ANYONE GOT A JEW DUDE I CAN BORROW?

Thankfully, no one appears to have been inspired by the supremely uncool Kill Jews strips of paper discovered on 6th Ave. last week. Park Slope Jews seem to be alive and well!

Given that’s the case, anyone got a decent one for my downstairs neighbor?

She’s early 30s, good-lookin’, smart, professional—and very cool. We like having her around, but if she doesn’t find a decent Jew boy she might move away. Not to Israel or anything, which would probably increase her odds and all, but the simple fact is: we’d like to keep her in Park Slope. I don’t think she’ll go for Hasids; I doubt she digs the furry hats. I think she eats bacon, too, but for some reason she still wants a Jew boy.

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ARE MARRIED COUGARS LOOKIN' FOR ACTION WELCOME AT THE MEATUP?

This just in from the FIPS mailbag:

Do you know whether Meatup people are generally looking for a new girlfriend/boyfriend, or a one-night stand? If a married-but-still sexy MILF/BR-ALLER in her 40s shows up, looking for Mr. Right Now (but not necessarily Mr. Right), is there a snowball's chance in hell that she could get laid?

Well, fine readers: what say you?

[Personally, I think that if this MILF is actually a ginuwine MILF (and not just a poseur MILF who actually looks like one of these frumpy moms), she has about an 86% chance of getting laid that night].

V-DAY IN YOUR PJ'S MEATUP [OH YES WE DID]

You people think I'm kiddin around about this "everyone is gonna get laid at the Meatup" bullshit, but I'm telling you: the day after these things, my inbox is totally fucking flooded with people who are reachin out to give us internet high fives and thank us for helpin them get some action. And, yes, we've even got ourselves quite a few ginuwine happy BK Meatup couples! I'm not sure why or how, but people keep gettin down.

So yeah, here's the scoop on the next one for all you horny motherfuckers:

On Thursday, Feburary 11th, we're takin over the Bell House again for the baddest, bestest Pajama Party your ass has ever been to! The pre V-day shenanigans are going to be non-stop: you can go with lingerie or you can go with feetsie pajamas, but we're havin ourselves an old fashioned pajama party! (so come dressed to impress!).

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