Sex(less) In the Slope

I happened upon this little item yesterday on New York Mag’s Daily Intel about just how much New Yorkers hear their neighbors having sex:
 
“About two-thirds of city residents say they regularly hear their neighbors having sex, according to a survey from real-estate website Brick Underground.”
 
And yes, BREEDERS are apparently fucked if we do and fucked if we don’t.
 
"At this point I'll trade hearing sex for hearing the results of their sex. I really need to find a child-free building."
By ACharmer on 02/12/2010 at 12:05pm

I was momentarily titillated (no, not literally).  
 
Yes, the memories were hazy but back in the carefree BC (before children) period of my married life, my husband and I lived in an awesome and cheap Columbia University rental on West 112th. Across the courtyard (okay, airshaft) from our living room, there was a young man who we not so fondly came to know as “the whacker,” on account of his daily stress reduction routine of porn and masturbation. He especially liked Catholic schoolgirls.
 
Come to think of it, we also had a rather terrifying, sumo-sized female gym teacher across the hall who liked to tell us she would only be departing from her rent controlled apartment “feet first”--she surely hadn’t had relations of a carnal nature in decades. But *if* she had harbored fantasies, I’d venture a guess that they were Catholic schoolgirl related as well.
 
So, here I am digging WAY back through my memories trying to pinpoint when I last heard any neighbors having sex and I realized: I hadn’t heard shit since I moved to Brooklyn!
 
And as I was contemplating that I’m apparently in the 1/3 percentage of people who don't hear my neighbors doing the nasty, I came upon the real kicker: the specific mention of Park Slope as the ONLY place in NYC where you can rest assured you won’t hear your neighbors fucking.

What??? How dare they?

Daily Intel’s blogger Jessica Pressler apparently lives in the Slope and attributes the lack of action to the fact that “everyone is married.” OK, so being married obviously means we no longer have sex? BREEDERS have to keep it down to a dull roar on account of the kid in the co-sleeper? Or, maybe its just that our adjoining walls were built better during all of our many home improvements?

And what of all you young “BALLER” people? Are you going to take this lying down? We’ve been tarred. We need to fight back! BREEDERS and BALLERS of Park Slope unite!
 
As it happens, our virility was being impugned unfairly, if the Brooklynian chatter from Saturday was to be trusted. According to the many comments, we hear as much sex as anywhere else, goddamn it (well, everybody but Jessica and me). And apparently we’re as annoyed and grossed out as everybody else in the city! So there!

"I had this problem with my downstairs neighbors. The first time it happened I was ready to run down to their apartment, because I thought the woman who lives there was being murdered, she was making so much noise. It would always seem to happen during the afternoon when I was in my study trying to write. I'd suddenly hear the ohhhhhhhhhhhh, ahhhhhhhhh going on for ages."
 
And then I noticed the date on the original thread:2006. Park Slope hasn’t had sex in FOUR YEARS!!!

Not sure whether its funny or sad, but it seems like no one is getting laid around here (except perhaps the person(s) who made use of the "seven minutes in heaven" tent at last week’s meatup).

Ok, so let's figure this out: Are you getting fucked in Park Slope or not?

(via Brick Underground)