TERROR ON SEVENTH AVENUE

Dear Dipshit who left a MOTHERFUCKING BEDBUG RIDDEN MATTRESS just chillin upside down out on 7th Ave and 3rd Street this morn,

Uhm, thanks for the note, but the fact that you left this vile, infested, disease missile sitting there without first wrapping it in a hazmat suit, inside of plastic, inside a layer of of bedbug killing film (has anyone invented this yet??), makes me want to murder you and your family with a rusty, dipped in AIDS germs ax.

Love,
Erica (and I'm guessing also your Park Slope neighbors)

If You Cross Atlantic Ave, You're Probs Gonna Die

Ok fine: so Atlantic Avenue is only the 5th most dangerous street in all of NY according to the Tristate Transportation Campaign..which means, you have a slightly better chance of dying if you cross Broadway in Manhattan. But still: it's the most dangerous street in all of Brooklyn!

HOORAY!

So I guess our best advice is: try to cross Atlantic Avenue as little as possible. Then you'll have a better chance of not being dead.

Of course even if you *do* get across Atlantic, you then might have to contend with shit like the Atlantic Center Mall, so on second thought: you should probs just choose death after all.

(via Gothamist)

The Gowanus Canal Is So Dirty You Shouldn't Even *Look* At It

On the West Coast of the United States we've got California, the sunny beaches of the Pacific and medical marijuana. Along the West Coast of Park Slope, we've got the chunky shit stream that is the Gowanus Canal.

If you live here, you likely already knew the Gowanus was basically slowly churning green sludge crap and hiding dead bodies. And, yep: the government task force via the EPA has now confirmed this in disgusting, mathematically precise detail.

Click to read more ...

WATCH OUT: Perv At The 7th Ave Subz

Yo, Park Slope. We just received this alarming scoop from a FIPS reader about some creepy dude at the 7th Ave subway station. She didn't say whether it was 7th Ave Q/B or 7th Ave F/G so watch your asses at both till she emails me back with clarification. It's the 7th Ave F/G, so if you see something, just fucking say something.

"Over the past month, I've had three rather scary run-ins with the same  (and to be honest, seemingly unhinged) man in the 7th Avenue Park Slope subway station and have filed two reports with 911. All three incidents occured on weeknights between about 9 and 10 PM, as I was commuting home from my office.  The man in question is about 5'7", has dark hair and and olive complexion, and all three times has been wearing a silver Yankees baseball cap, baggy jeans, and a read hooded jacket.

Click to read more ...

The F Train Is So Dope

Forget dark alleys, btchz: hard core drug addicts can't even be bothered to shoot up in private anymore. Nope, they like to let it all hang out on your fave subway line and mine, THE FFFFFFFF!

UPDATE: Youtube yanked the vid...so now we can't even watch a dude shooting heroin on the subz anymore. Boo.