The Gowanus Canal Is So Dirty You Shouldn't Even *Look* At It

On the West Coast of the United States we've got California, the sunny beaches of the Pacific and medical marijuana. Along the West Coast of Park Slope, we've got the chunky shit stream that is the Gowanus Canal.

If you live here, you likely already knew the Gowanus was basically slowly churning green sludge crap and hiding dead bodies. And, yep: the government task force via the EPA has now confirmed this in disgusting, mathematically precise detail.

Wondering what the scientists found in the canal? Things like sewage discharge! Yep, sewage discharge! This was in addition to the mystery-meat-sounding “other” discharges like “polychlorinated biphenyls,” a type of lubricant (not that kind—I don’t think), or “polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons,” the primary component of Four Loco, I’m pretty sure.

The report warns against getting eating crabs from the Canal (heh) or, um, swimming in it. Until later, of course. After they’ve cleaned it, which, apparently, they wont’ ever be sure they have cause it's so vile.

Should this make me wary of frequenting the bars popping up in the Gowanus area? I HAVE felt light-headed on a couple occasions, but I’m pretty sure that’s from overheating in a crowd and over-rocking at a music venue. Also, from overdrinking at an overdrinking venue. Self-chosen contaminants are really my preference.

(Brownstoner via The Brooklyn Paper)