Just Cheez It, Alf.

It's like a cheezy, iconic, gay Brit once said: "Saturday night's alright for fighting. Saturday night's alright. Alright. Alright. Woo Hoo Ooh Ooh."

It's like a cheezy, hacky teenager once said in the shitty follow-up to the shitty song that made her famous: "This Saturday we're gonna do it bigger than we ever have before."

It's like a cheezy bunch of 70’s era Scottish teenybopper heartthrobs once said: "It's just a Saturday night."

Guess what I did on Saturday night. Nope. Not cheese. Not even heroin. Nope. I didn't go to TGI Fridays and delight in the splendor that is their kitsch-adorned walls. TGI Fridays is more of a Friday thing. Since it was a Saturday smack dab in the middle of a pussy-snowstorm-induced three-day weekend, a few friends & I decided to travel all the way up the hills of Park Slope to 7th Ave, walking right past all the perfectly fine bars on 5th Ave.

The reason: A brand spanking new bar that just opened up in the old Bar 4 space (RIP and/or I never went there). The moniker: "American Cheez."

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Cheese, Glorious Cheese: Valley Shepherd Creamery Coming to the Slope!

Photo from allthingscheese.com

Hey you, the people of Park Slope who eat cheese: it’s time to throw out your Velveeta shells and Kraft singles. We've got the real shit coming to town.

Valley Shepherd Creamery will be filling up the empty space where Compucell used to be at 211 7th avenue. In addition to over a hundred artisanal products, pastas and lamb meat, they'll offer around 35 cheeses hand-milked from a combination of 700 sheep, goats and cows. You know, I really gotta hand it to these guys: that’s a lot of fucking nipples.

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