Last Day of Public School: Last Chance....

No more illicit lunch dates with the PIC. It's the last day of NYC public school. Finally. On a MONDAY! Thanks Joel Klein and Randi Weingarten.

Okay, I'd like to be making the most of this but I'm too hot (and not in that way) AND the big kid got early release from his little academic prison yard so we're off to the 34th St. Loews to catch the first showing of Iron Man 2.

Zero Tolerance?: Preschool Bullies

That's it! I'm declaring a zero tolerance policy on any and all emotional abuse against the BREEDER community of Park Slope. The whole lot of you so-called BALLER meanies: that means you. No more double-wide jokes, either about strollers or hips. No more assaults on the souls are our pint-sized pashas. Play nice in the sandbox or you will be kicked off disqus for the day, you hear? [ed note: Uhm, ok, that's not really true].

As if we hard-pressed parents don't have enough on our picnic plates, I've had to take a break from the final (maybe there is a god) end of year celebratory school get-together of the school calendar, because Erica has been emailing me every hour to bully me into writing a response to the festering debate of the day: Old First Preschool's Zero Tolerance Policy (or lack thereof).

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Lessons In Park Slope Douchery

click to enlargeWaaaaay back when, before any of you bitches had probably ever even heard of FIPS, we featured the work of Pete Johnson. In case you've never seen it, the dude rules your face...HARD.

Recently, everyone on the interwebz discovered his clever "Douche series" again, and lo and behold: he's got a Park Slope douche! This Park Slope douche has two kids, Phinneas & Calliope and and Phinneas wants to be an Acai Berry Afficianado OR an AIDS quilter when he grows up! They have a Jamaican nanny (LAME: everyone knows its alll about the Tibeten nannies now) and he drives a Prius.

This shit might be the best thing I've ever seen in my life.

(via Gothamist and everyone else who wrote in about this shit).

Finally, A Winning Team of Our Own? The Brooklyn Bulldogs

All hail the conquering heroes!

Bring on the ticker tape, Park Slope has a team we can all get behind (well, all you non-Husky, non-Bonnie, non park teamers).

Ladies and Gentleman, Breeders and Ballers, Car(e) Free and Roadified, I give you arguably the best team in Brooklyn b-ball: The 78th Precinct's very own Brooklyn Bulldogs (Orange 11s). Shit, it sounded better when I left out the orange 11 part.

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Shitmykidsruined.com: Greatest Parenting Site Ever?

Thanks to having Huffington Post as my homepage, I stumbled upon this diabolically ingenious website: Shit My Kids Ruined. It seemed particularly timely what with all you alleged "BALLERS" going to town about the perks of a kid-free existence.

While I do sometimes yearn--it's true--for world travel, a tranquil home, and uninterrupted hooch, I wouldn't trade my little people for anything. 

Nonetheless, I couldn't help but note yesterday (before I got a gander at Shit My Kids Ruined) that my beautiful, one-of-a-kind red fox seems to have been GORILLA GLUED, as if SOMEBODY broke this work of art by renowned Nova Scotia folk artist Bradford Naugler. 

Heads will roll!!!!! But, in the meantime, yuck it up at shitmykidsruined.com.