Zero Tolerance?: Preschool Bullies

That's it! I'm declaring a zero tolerance policy on any and all emotional abuse against the BREEDER community of Park Slope. The whole lot of you so-called BALLER meanies: that means you. No more double-wide jokes, either about strollers or hips. No more assaults on the souls are our pint-sized pashas. Play nice in the sandbox or you will be kicked off disqus for the day, you hear? [ed note: Uhm, ok, that's not really true].

As if we hard-pressed parents don't have enough on our picnic plates, I've had to take a break from the final (maybe there is a god) end of year celebratory school get-together of the school calendar, because Erica has been emailing me every hour to bully me into writing a response to the festering debate of the day: Old First Preschool's Zero Tolerance Policy (or lack thereof).

  see that...get thee to a computer! :)

On Fri, Jun 25, 2010 at 5:30 PM, Allison wrote:

Okay, okay. I'll write up tonight. just as soon as I get back from the final
fucking class party of the day and the year!!!! And I do have something to
say. 

Bitch! I bet she bit her classmates at that Massapequa Montessori. Whereas, I, at the South Norwalk Montessori was a perfect "normalized" little madam, per my report card, which my mom sent me last year. I'm copying it in because it is pure genius, this report card. I laughed till I cried. 

Why haven't I googled Joey O'Callaghan. I loved him so. I didn't report HIM for the trauma of watching him shamble out of the potty with dropped trow still around the ankles and little wanker waving, although I still remember it like it was yesterday.

But I digress. Back to preschool. So, we despicable Park Slope parents made it into the Times the other day when renegade parents at the cooperative Old First Nursery School on 7th and Carroll got into an internal kerfuffle over the following disciplinary policy change as declared by a fed-up parent of a presumably bitten and bruised preschooler:

On May 13, one aggrieved parent sent out an e-mail message announcing that “effective immediately,” the two teachers “will be enforcing the disciplinary rules as specified in the Old First handbook.”

“Specifically,” the message said, “there will be a no-tolerance policy toward aggressive behavior; children who hurt others (physically or emotionally) will be sent home immediately.”

TK TK TK TOO TIRED!!! GOING TO BEDDDDDDD. WAAAAAAAHHH.

7:30 am. Fine, I just got tapped on my eyelids by somebody looking for a chest protector so I can finish this.

I put it to some other 'rents at the picnic last night.

Sarah: “There going to end up with an empty classroom. What little kid ISN’T going to fit that M.O. at some point in any given day?”

David: "Forgive me if I’m wrong but isn’t school where children learn to navigate unkind words? Beating the crap out of somebody, fine, send them home but 'emotional abuse'?"

I know that you want faux outrage here at the ridonculousness of all this. And god knows, I can mock the craziness of preschool coops with the best of them, having spent three years as treasurer of the waldwarf playgroup of Park Slope. But, I actually do think that however flawed the wording on this dumb-ass declaration may be, the underlying point is valid to an extent. I mean, if I were shelling out $9,500 a year, I wouldn't want my little sugarplum coming home with part of his ear bitten off on a regular basis. 

And, as I've learned from my days in the dog park, when a dog is misbehaving and aggressive, we owners put our beasts on their leashes and TAKE THEM HOME. Frankly, I think if three out of 15 kids are continuously up-ending the social order with taunting, biting, kicking, and spitting, then maybe an afternoon of shunning would fix their wagons.

At the Waldwarfs, Little Seamus had an unfortunate episode at playgroup one morning and got his ass kicked to the curb and, boy, did that kid come back chastened the next morning. He even drafted letters of apology to those he'd maimed, either physically or emotionally.

But, and this is a big but, I also think that the knowledge and instincts of experienced teachers should be adhered to and meddling parents should get their banjo-strumming asses off to yoga or work and let the teachers and kids get on with it.

Case in point. Year one at our playgroup, the regular teacher was on a sabbatical and had been replaced by a fervent young bushy-eyebrowed pied piper who was not quite in the austere waldwarf tradition of classroom management. She ran aground with some of the parents when she put little Jack Henry into a time-out and maybe even yelled at him (I can't remember) instead of giving the preferred "group hug" for threatening other 2 and 3-year-olds with gardening implements on a regular basis. Seriously, they were ready to fire her in the middle of the goddamned year. There were meetings and emails about the death of fairy dust and magic and more contentious meetings. I got in serious shit at the time with the righteous for my email suggesting that perhaps there was a "whiff of salem" in the air. 

In my experience, these coop experiments in direct democracy don't bring out the best in people most of the time.

What do you think of all this drama? And don't forget! Zero tolerance, folks.