Mama Rosa vs. FIPS: The Battle Rages On

Fuck it...the gloves are officially OFF ppl.

So, a few weeks ago I wrote a rather scathing review of the new latin food eatery Mama Rosa. While I didn't hold back, I gave an honest (read: UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE) account of what went down that night. And let's just say shit was very much not pretty.

I thought that would be the end of it, but alas, the internet does NOT disappoint yet again.

Allow me to re-introduce you to Weird Watier and Crystal Necklace dude. I'm not sure how deeply entrenched these fine fellows are in the Mama Rosa empire, but needless to say: they're both pretty damn chatty. And if you think they're leaving notes of apology, think again:

Crystal Necklace Guy, 1 hour ago:
"Who the fuck has the time to write a goddamn war and peace epic on a restaurant review. First of all I remember this CRAZY BITCH. By the looks of her she had'nt had a stiff dick for over a century (i'd be a complete and utter bitch too.) Add that to the fact that 'miss thing' found out that night that the reason Greg wasn't fucking her was because he was boffing foreign guy IN THE RESTAURANT BATHROOM. I also find it ironic that she would refer to me as crazy crystal guy I assure you the swarovski piece i wore that night (which has gotten a ridiculous amount of compliments) cost more than her dime store outfit. Who, by the way critisizes a birthday girl at a fucking birthday party having fun and dancing!!!! yes this bitch has not had dick FOR YEARS!!!!!!!! but i invite her down to the restaurant so i can rearrange her face and thusly, nay hopefully give her an attitude adjustment in the process. This a clearly some crazy cat lady that is extremely lonely and very high maintainance. You know the type. This bitch would have still had a problem if we served her all organic food grown by virgins on gold and platinum platters seasoned personally by every James Beard Award Winning chef dressed in Dolce and Gabbana custom outfits in a secluded utopia of canopy trees, silk covered tents, every exotic flower the world has to offer and perfect candlelight and serenaded by Luciano Pavarotti with back up by the Carnegie Hall Symphony Orchestra. its bitchy stupid people like that that makes this great country seem like simpletons. This is a woman that would go to foreign countries use every stereotype in the book and swear that her very presence should make the president of the country roll out the red carpet because she's 'special' and 'entitled' what a waste of sperm' did they make condoms in the 1800's I'm sure her mother wished they had and that her husband, as an added precaution castrated himself took the raisins he called balls and burn them to cinders , then poured acid on the ashes and divide the remainder to be placed at the four corners of the planet. Thus ridding the world of her and leaving Greg and foreign guy free to show their love publicly and by that I mean more public than desperate fumblings in a restaurant bathroom. We love you Greg and Foreign guy FLY YOUR RAINBOW FLAG PRODLY IN HER FACE!!! AND DUMP THAT USELESS BITCH. With sincerity that you get mugged or trapped in a burning building or run over by the F train (why the F train you ask? F for 'FUCK YOU!!!!!)_ I bid you adieu. Have a nice fucking life you psycho bitch cunt."

So to recap, an employee of Mama Rosa:

• offered to "rearrange my face"
• offered to adjust my attitude
• sent out wishes that I get mugged;
• trapped in a burning building;
• and/or run over by the F train (F for fuck you!);
• accused me of being a racist
• accused me of being lonely
• accused me of being a vegan
• accused me of being a cat lady
• accused me of not getting "stiff dick" for "over a century"
• insinuated that my mother should have aborted me during preganancy
• accused my husband and Foreign Dude of a gay, undercover affair that began innocently in Mama Rosa's bathroom
• called me a psycho bitch cunt

I should point out that the "birthday girl" who crystal necklace dude accuses me of criticicizing had this to say about Mama Rosa:

Bitch from the dance party, 2 weeks ago:
"Hey! I'm the "bitch" from the dance party! We totally agree with you about the service and won't be going back..."

For the record, as all of you btchz know: I call everyone a bitch (myself included) However, as soon as I had the bday girl's email addy after she left a comment, I immediately emailed her back to apologize and explain that my use of "bitch" is...uhm...quite liberal.

Oh, but there is more. Weird Waiter couldn't resist joining in on this whole convo to add his two cents:

Koltsims (aka Weird Waiter), 9 hours ago:
"I have the right table (ugly fat guy, tall dude and fat bitch in red with a lesbian crew cut). Now there always different side to a story. 1 you guys arrive at Mama Rosa and ask a table for 3, yes the only table we had was near the bands ( at first the FAT BITCH IN RED) had this disgusted look on her face like how dare you give us that table...."

It goes on and on and on from there as Weird Waiter tries to systematically disprove every point I made in my original post, and throw in as many "FAT BITCH IN REDS" as he can in attempt to get me to tear up or something. You can read the rest if you want, but you'll probably die of boredom.

BUT WAIT!

Crystyal Necklace dude couldn't stomach NOT chiming in one last time to take some pot shots at Foreign Dude who had left a comment on the original post to clear up a few facts (including the fact that Greg and I insisted on leaving a tip...even after the horrendous service we got). But clearly Crystal dude was NOT havin it with Foreign Dude:

Crystal Necklace Guy, 1 hour ago:
"Clearly you're an asshole and if all you can do is take cheap shots at people for being gay then clearly you need to stumble out of the closet that you and your drunk abusive father (who must have felt you up) stuffed you in. no one had an attitude first of all but we sure do now since you decided to be a-hit-below-the-belt-jerkoff. seriously get a life the three of you, clearly you have to much time left over from your jerk off schedule. i remember you looking at my ass and coping a feel so don't even go there with me. by the way since you are new to the life let me give you a word of advice (free of charge) dont try a tranny on her meds so fuckface if you want to go for round 2 i assure you you WILL regret it."

Wow.

I can assure you ppl that Foreign Dude was NOT looking at Crystal Necklace dude's ass. Because quite frankly, it was hard to concentrate on anything other than the glare coming off his healing crystals:

Here's the bottom line: we were excited to try a new place, and had every intention of enjoying ourselves that evening. We only started getting frustrated when things took a turn toward the ridiculous...and clearly we were not alone, as even the birthday girl got shitty service. Had things turned out differently, I would have been thrilled to write up a glowing review of Mama Rosa.

In fact, if someone from Mama Rosa had reached out to us and said "hey...I'm sorry you caught us as we were working out the kinks on our first night. Please come back (or better yet, send a few of your readers back) and let us try again! I probably would have.

Instead, in addition to our original shitty experience, we now Mama Rosa employees (and/or business owners?) who are threatening to "rearrange our face" and "go for round 2" (which we're ASSURED that we'll regret).

Keepin it classy, Mama Rosa!

UPDATE: As you'll see below on both this post and the original, weird waiter has been verrrry busy updating his comments throughout the eve. After reading through some of his latest gems, he must have started to freak the fuck out, and so, he decided the best way to deal was to pose as a Mama Rosa manager in the comments, and pretend to respond on their behalf. Only he used the same email address annnd IP address as all his other inflammatory weird waiter comments...OOPSIE. He pretty much immediately deleted this comment, but not before Disqus emailed me a copy. So here it is for your viewing enjoyment. Again, this is weird waiter POSING as a Mama Rosa manager:

1:26am:
"Being that i just found out what happen today. I would like to take this time formality apologize to Ms. Erica and everyone hurt by their action. I am sorry that you visit to mama rosa was as pleasant. I would also like to apologize for the way in which and employee reacted to your post. In an effort to correct this mishap "disciplinary action" will be taken. Once again i do apologize.
Sincerely Manager of mama rosa

Ps. "Weird waiter" you got some explaining to do i waiting on your phone call."

BWHAHHAHAHAHAHA. The p.s. is pretty friggin classic...as if a Mama Rosa manager would use "weird waiter" in quotes and then tell the dude he's got some splainin to do in the comments of a blog post on Fucked in Park Slope. Can this story get ANY better!?