YOUR VOTE COUNTS!

Hey FIPS,

Like most New Yorkers, I'm generally pissed off during my morning subway commute. I'm not really sure if it's because I'm not much of a morning person (who is, really?), or if it's because 90% of other
people irritate the fuck out of me, but either way, I'm pretty pissy during the 30 minute daily R/N am transfer trip. And lately, it's gotten to the point where I'm worried I'm going to lose it on a complete stranger.

It's not the usual subway crazies that I can't handle: Homeless guy defecating in the corner? Sure. Masturbating perv? Put it away, but feel free to stay. Fat people taking up two seats? Breeders taking up
the whole aisle with their strollers? Running kids with seemingly no adult supervision? Young people who don't get up for pregnant women or old people? Rude morons who don't move in from the doors and then yell at you for asking them to? People who smell? People who blast their iPods too loud? Hip-hop dance crews? That one asshole who needs to push his/her way to the door 5 minutes before you're even at the
station? Thank you all for being here. You keep things interesting. Heck, I'll even take the fingernail clipper! It's disgusting, but at least it's something to see when I'm not busy eavesdropping on the conversation next to me of the angry couple fighting, or reading your Star magazine over your shoulder.

No, the subway ride itself isn't riling me up. It's walking into the subway. Going down those stairs and pushing past the lazy people who don't seem to understand the urgency of having to catch that train
that's pulling in the station is one thing. But at the Park Slope 4th/9th Street Station (and I'm sure a ton of other neighborhood stations), there's a whole new obstacle: The political candidate.

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I Kicked A Dog, And I Liked It

Yeah...so that was likely the theme song running through the bitch's head this morn who FUCKING KICKED MY FUCKING DOG (yeah, the totally fucking adorable one in that pic above).

Here's what went down:

I was walking down 4th Street (between 5th and 6th Aves) on my way to drop Oliver off at Doggie Daycare. He was sticking to the edge of the street (as dogs often do) sniffing around some tree.

I noticed some woman about 10 or 15 feet walking right toward us. She was in our direct line (i.e. she was walking up the street heading right for us). I didn't move because:

*my dog was sniffing a tree and taking a piss.

*she had PLENTY of time to readjust her trajectory and walk around us.

We were NOT blocking the sidewalk, and we were NOT in anyone's way.

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BREAKING: Everyone *Still* Hates The Shit Out of the Park Slope Post Office

Alicia!? Was that you??

If not, I sincerely hope that this Vigilante Chalker is a member of the FIPS community.

WE SALUTE YOU, BRAVE CITIZEN!

(@DimaM via Gothamist)

Park Slope Library To Shut Down For Renovations

Sorry for anyone who cares, but I fucking hate this library (the one on the corner of 8th stret and 6th ave). And now its apparently closing, for one year or more, so they can renovate it in order to make it "more accessible to the disabled."

First of all, let's call a spade a spade: something tells me this has fuck all to do with disabled people, and EVERYTHING to do with these. Interesting how putting in a ramp will benefit both BREEDERS and paraplegics alike.

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Who's Down For A Smartmom v. Amy Sohn Jello Wrestling Match?

image via Gothamist

Glad you said it first, Gothamist, because truth be told, we had the same reaction you did upon reading Only the Blog Knows Brooklyn's review of Amy Sohn's Prospect Park West.

This line, in particular, gave us quite a chuckle:

"Is [the book] truthful? The book is filled with cliches about the Bugaboo culture in Park Slope and the parents that live there. And you know what they say about cliches...

In my Smartmom columns, I have written about just about everything Sohn covers in the novel..."

Oh, snap! Man, why did you even b-o-t-h-e-r, Amy? It's ALL been covered already!

Anyway.

Rather than bore you with our querulous take on the matter, I thought the whole thing could easily be summed up with a few choice lines from one of my favorite movies: Heathers.

Veronica Sawyer: Don't talk to me like that, ok.

Heather Duke: Jealous much??

Veronica Sawyer: Why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?

Heather Duke: Cuz I can be....