Park Slope Snowball Fight??

photo: Doug Kim (you can even purchase prints HERE)

Did I just see some more snowflakes??

Ever since that last blizzard, I've been pissed that I missed this amazing snowball fight in Times Square.

Then I started thinking: God damn it, we need a good old snowball fight in Park Slope!

It could be a ceremonial breaking of the ice between the nabe haves and have nots: kid-toting vs kid-free,
capitalists vs legal aid lawyers/social workers, newbies vs old guard, boys vs. girls, gym-toned vs fat-assed, employed vs laid off...

I'll even try to talk Erica into setting up a FIPS table with hot cocoa and mulled cider (okay, I don't actually know how to mull cider but how hard canit be??).

If it starts up again and anything sticks tonight, let's all meet tomorrow in long meadow!

Co-Op Board Wars: Blood on the Carpet

Deep, deep in my heart (I can't even know the depths of it), I hate my co-op board.

Hate.

HATE!

I haven't felt so passionately hateful since adolescence.

Why, you ask? It's simple: Paint and pendants.

Click to read more ...

Do Not Throw An Egg At Me Or My Dog, Or I Will Cut A Bitch

Ok, so us BALLERS *are* always bitching about:

• babies in bars
• SUV strollers
• bratty kids in restaurants
• mommy/daddy entitlement
• etc.

BUT, I've never thrown a fucking egg at a BREEDER (or one of their bebes).

However, apparently some douchebag in Park Slope is takin things to just that level...though this douchebag is a puppy hater.

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Mommy Hate [Give Me A Fucking Break]

Lynn Harris thinks "Everyone Hates Mommy."

I think Lynn Harris is either:

• A brilliant marketer who conceived of this "shark bait" story with the express purpose of riling bitches up.
• Completely retarded.

I'm hoping its the former, in which case: Brava Lynn!

But if its not...and Lynn Harris *really,* *truly* believes that WHITE, URBAN (!!!???) Mothers are the (mostly) unfair recepients of misplaced societal "vitriol," then I think its time I announce the formation of my new charitable organization: Socialites Helping Socialites (SHS). Cause those bitches get a lot of vitriol too! EVERYONE hates Socialites and its so unfair!

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TIME WARNER SUCKS: I WILL CUT A BITCH

Ok, its all fun-n-games, bitches...that is until my MOTHERFUCKING CABLE GOES OUT.

Yeah, our recent Thanksgiving weekend six day internet outage was not funny. Like not funny at all. But at least I have an iphone and the Teat Lounge as a backup option. But now you Time Warner stupid bitchdicks are crossing a line you really don't wanna be fucking with: me-n-my TV.

Your one saving grace is that this happened after last night's new Glee episode aired. Had you slut-tards fucked that one up I'd be protesting in the streets this morn with all of the OTHER PEOPLE ON THE PLANET WHO HATE YOUR ASSES MORE THAN HITLER.

I've checked both TV's, I've reset my Tivo...and we got nothing.

Listen to me now and listen to me hard, Time Warner: N. Park Slope, cable outage, fix that shit now. I do not want to call you up and speak to your angry, stupid, ill informed customer service "reps." I do not want to make an appointment for Feb 09ers (sorry, that's our first opening!), in order to have some pot-smoking in his van all day, doesn't know shit about coaxial cables dimwit come over and make up shit about why my TV ain't workin. I don't want to read this morn on Gothamist, that a little motherfucking rain from last night took down your entire Northeastern grid. I don't want to hear it.

I don't care what you do...just get this shit fixed and get it fixed FAST.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with a few more of my fave quotes from (surprise, surprise!) some more of your unhappy customers:

"Time Warner cable is SATAN!!!!"
--robnyc

"The most unreal thing comes AFTER the many hours of run-around on the phone when the Time Warner service guy actually comes to your house. Holy shit. These are the most incompetent, uneducated, ill-prepared and surly service people in all of New York City. Time Warner Cable may as well have picked up a homeless man on the street, gave him a uniform, name-tag and truck and sent him over to my place to fix the cable."
--Helicopter Dad

"Time Warner is such a piece of shit I cancelled it. I'd rather have no cable/internet than deal with them."
--Issy

And our personal fave...

"As a rule for life I don't go into a Time Warner store on Friday..depending on the time of day I might not be let out of jail till Monday morning."
--Patrice C