Mommy Hate [Give Me A Fucking Break]

Lynn Harris thinks "Everyone Hates Mommy."

I think Lynn Harris is either:

• A brilliant marketer who conceived of this "shark bait" story with the express purpose of riling bitches up.
• Completely retarded.

I'm hoping its the former, in which case: Brava Lynn!

But if its not...and Lynn Harris *really,* *truly* believes that WHITE, URBAN (!!!???) Mothers are the (mostly) unfair recepients of misplaced societal "vitriol," then I think its time I announce the formation of my new charitable organization: Socialites Helping Socialites (SHS). Cause those bitches get a lot of vitriol too! EVERYONE hates Socialites and its so unfair!

True, they go out late, use their rich parent's money to buy drugs-n-sexual favors, flunk out of school and treat everyone like shit, but what the fuck are they supposed to do?? They're socialites! And in case you didn't know, its REALLY, REALLY hard to be a socialite!! (ANNND, socialites don't even choose to be socialites! Those bitches are just born into it!).

Just because they are afforded every single solitary advantage and courtesy in our society, are given multiple "get out of jail free" cards, receive the best health insurance, can take time off from work whenever they need to, go to any restaurant they want whenever they want, and expect a "behavior pass" from every single one us b/c they're socialites in the first place, is no reason to hate them! Right, Lynn Harris??

Sheesh.

Are you ready to donate money to my charity yet, people? Are you sympathetic to the unfortunate plight of the misunderstood socialite?

Cause right about now I'm able to muster up as much sympathy for Mommies as you bitches are for Olivia Palermo and Tinsley Mortimer.

For those of you not as well versed in the art of snark as my ass is, let me spell it out for it: OBVIOUSLY I am not comparing the act of motherhood to the typically vacuous, unfulfilling life of your average NYC socialite. However, what I AM using this comparison for, is an illustration of the utter absurdity and cluelessness that exists in any type of "Everyone Hates Mommy" statement, without the acknowledgment that wherever we are on this issue (and there is def hate AND vitriol), the self-entitled, kiddie worshipping "Mommy" army that Harris so casually refers to in her piece, is pretty much totally fucking responsible for this state of affairs (just as the socialites are mostly indebted to Paris Hilton for their bad rep).

Lynn Harris writes:

"...I still say that when it comes to mother bashing, there's more going on. Something deeper, more venomous, even more timeless. The level of vitriol is so high, its target so clear and consistent."

Right...so its a "special" kind of hate? Cause mothers couldn't possibly be the recipients of boring old regular hate?! They deserve better than that!!

If you feel like reading through the 9,000 pages of comments on Salon, you'll pretty quickly get to the crux of the matter (and to Harris's credit, there is mos def a lot of haterade on both sides of the debate), but most seem to agree that the issue mostly revolves around a perceived sense of self-entitlement that certain mommies wear like a badge of courage...kinda like, uhm, socialites.

And while Harris *does* acknowledge that there are a sub-group of self-entitled annoying moms out there, she sugar coats this fact and spins it off into footnote by turning it all into a "awww, the poor, poor mommies are just trying to get through their day and make it work!"(...unlike the fucking rest of us?).

Check it:

"So yes, some people are obnoxious, and some of those people are mothers. Yes, some strollers look massive, and some of them stand between you and your French Roast -- or you and that brownstone you can no longer afford. Maybe sometimes, though, what's seen as "entitlement" is just someone trying, in a given or perhaps even weakened moment, to get what she needs."

OMG, I literally feel like my brain is going to explode. I live in Park Slope, Lynne, so yeah I can tell the difference between a sweet, frazzled mom who just might be having a bad day, and a mom who looks me in the eyes, bumps me with her stroller as she walks by, doesn't apologize (she WAS talking on her cell phone, so maybe she just couldn't break away!), and then stands in front of Connecticut muffin pretending like her kid isn't screaming its fucking head off while talking to her neighbor mommy frenemy about their family's new organic food "lifestyle choice." Guess that's what she "needed" to be doing right then and there.

Honestly, I could write a book about this shit, but its boring, so I'm just gonna bullet point it:

• Not all, but many, many moms *do* act all self-entitled and expect special treatment just because they are moms.
• This pisses people off.
• Our society encourages the idea that moms and their children should be worshipped, catered to, and deified (i.e. health insurance will pay for YOUR infertility treatments but not MY liposuction surgery; YOU get to leave work at 4pm every Thursday because of your kid's speech therapy, I get to leave at 6:30 like the rest of the shmucks there; YOU stand at the top of the subway steps expectantly looking at bitches as they pass you by cause you need one of em to carry your SUV stroller down the stairs, I haul my nine bags of Trader Joes groceries down my damn self b/c my shit was packed in paper bags and not a bugaboo). 
• Annoying, self-entitled moms feel justified (via Brooklynian:
  "For the record, I believe parents of young children do deserve more consideration and priority in society than others.")
• This results in more self-entitled moms.
• People get even more pissed.
• Self-entitled moms sometimes get all judge-y themselves about anyone who dares to choose not to be a mom (society also encourages this).
• That pisses ME off.
• As kiddie worship spreads, self-entitled moms feel even MORE entitled, and then do shit like bring their 2-year-olds to the ballet on Saturday night or to a motherfucking bar.
• Repeat.

And there we have it folks...the genesis of Mommy hate.

Also, newsflash:  the very fact that you are bitching about all this, Lynn Harris, is proof that the "you need to be nicer to me because I'm a mommy attitude" is totally large and in charge. I mean, are we even having a serious fucking conversation about this?

In summary, yes I'm sure that everyone and their brother will agree that being a mom is very, very hard.  But also tough. Unless you were: kidnapped, artifically inseminated against your will, and then held at gunpoint in the delivery room, you chose that life.  So, yeah, that's not really a good enough reason for expecting me to be nice to your ass and cover for you at work when you leave early to go to your kids soccer game. And that's not because I'm a bitch, that's because, with my uterus in tact, I'm not afforded the same courtesy.

So if I get up on the subway to give your pregnant ass my fucking seat (which yes, I DO, all the fucking time) keep in mind that I also do that for:

• old people
• people on crutches
• handicapped people
• people who faint in front of me
• and homeless people (cause they smell)

So, yeah get over yourself already mommies...you're not that fucking special.