IT REALLY SNOWED, YOU GUYS!

Nemo happened!

So, hurry up and go outside and look at the snow before my dog pisses and shits all over it, and trucks drive over it, and it goes from pure white driven, to black dirty sludge. By my guestimate, you have approximately 28 minutes. 

Got any more Park Slope snow pics? Send em our way at effedinparkslope@gmail.com

[More pics after the jump]. 

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10 Ways To Use FiPS During A Blizzard

Phtos via www.city-data.com/picfilesv/picv6868.php and www.classicmedia.tv/pr/frosty/It’s the time of year where we all hope so hard for a snow day that we convince ourselves it’s going to happen and end up getting drunk... only to wake up, realize it never snowed, and go to work hungover. In case we do get a genuine blizzard, here are ten way you can use FiPS to your advantage:

Read about Patrick Stewart. He’s Captain Picard.

Find pictures of MILFs and DILFs to masturbate to. We all masturbate so much during snowstorms that we eventually need something other than “regular” porn to get us off. That’s when you start thinking about your neighbors.

Submit blog posts about the storm that we’ll never actually post. I’m sure they’re great posts but we’re too busy finding unimportant things to write about.

Follow this emergency preparedness guide: Hard liquor of choice. Beer. Marijuana. Frozen pizza (tasty AND ironic). Netflix. Torrent movies and TV in case you lose internet. Tissues and lube. That book you’ve been meaning to read since 2007. Aspirin. Cigarettes. Extra battery for your laptop. Board game other than Scrabble. Sled or garbage can lid.

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Winter Storm Athena Has Landed

Via The Weather Channel

Holy shit, is it miserable outside right now. Winter Autumn storm Athena has officially dropped in on us, and she is blistery, cold and UTTERLY UNPLEASANT. In addition, she's adding insult to injury for everyone affected by the wrath of Sandy.

Via NBCDFW:

"Thousands of people in low-lying neighborhoods staggered by the superstorm just over a week ago were warned to clear out, with authorities saying rain, wet snow and 60 mph gusts in the evening could bring more flooding, topple trees wrenched loose by Sandy, and erase some of the hard-won progress made in restoring electricity to millions of customers."

If you can stay inside tonight, please do. And in case you were planning on trying to sled/skate/write poetry in a local snow-covered park, all of New York's public parks, playgrounds and beaches will also be closed until noon on Thursday. In addition, all public construction has been halted until 7AM on Thursday. 

Last Year's Snowpocalypse Costs Nearly $2M in payouts

Berkeley PlaceThis time last year we were all staring out our windows at a mountain of snow in the street and wondering where the fuck the snow plows were. When last December's snowmaggedon hit, which dropped more than two feet of white stuff in parts of the city, it took three full days to get the streets of Park Slope cleaned. Upon learning that the delays were caused by the sanitation department's tizzy fit over budget cuts, everyone blamed Mayor Bloomberg and his administration for the whole damn thing. 

I don't know about you guys, but aside from having to scale a single mountain, suitcase in hand, at the foot of my street after returning home from Christmas in Massachusetts, I wasn't too affected by the storm (side note: scaling that mountain was like defeating the Aggro Crag on Guts. It was pretty epic.) Others however, were more inconvenienced, and have spent the last 365 days suing the city's ass over it.

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Quit Your Whining And Start Shoveling

How they do it in Bay Ridge. Take a lesson!You people are embarrassing me. What a bunch of whiners. They're writing articles about our inability to dig out our cars without public meltdowns. From the Brooklyn Paper.

The streets of Park Slope turned into a disaster zone on Monday morning when alternate-side-of-the-street parking resumed, forcing residents to dig out cars, battle for open spots and, in at least one case, slam into each other.

Many residents refused to move their snow-in cars despite the scheduled cleaning, and few received tickets.

Sister Francis McCool told police that she was stuck waiting in the long line of unmoving traffic when another car slammed into hers from the right side.

“This has been the worst day. First I had to get someone to dig out my car. Then there was all the traffic, and now this accident. I don’t know what to do, go home and cry?” McCool said.

Oh, buck the fuck up already, sissy!

Which was basically what the commenters said:  

Mike says:

These people get FREE parking -- and they're COMPLAINING? Ludicrous.

Kayemtee from Downtown says:

Unlike most suburbs and many other countries, we have given car owners the right to park on our public streets for free. In Brownstone neighborhoods, we allow car owners to illegally double park cars during alternate side cleaning. Why? If these folks can keep their cars unmoved for a month, do they really need them? And the media gives them a forum to gripe when we dare to ask them to move them after a month?

boof from brooklyn says:

It's a lot of responsibility having a car. If you can't handle it, just get rid of it.

Steve from PPW says:

Seriously? How entitled can you get? If your car was snowed in and iced over, perhaps you should have removed the snow and ice yourself when it was easier to do so? Car drivers are the most entitled, spoiled constituency in New York.

Besides, shoveling is fun. And good for you! Sort of like pilates and kickboxing combined.

And, even if it's not, you can always go hire yourselves a Tarzian guy to come do it for you like Only The Blog Knows Louise did. You may make fun of her but Smart Mom knows how to outsource.

And, while I'm getting ranty, SHOVEL YOUR DOG SHIT too! Why does the snow make you think you've got a free pass to smearing fucking fecal matter all over the sidewalks????