Drunken Nets Fans Are Totally Gonna Pee All Over Your Stoop

If you're like me, you're SUPER PSYCHED about the impending opening of the Barclays Center. It's going to be awesomesauce, right?!!!

Just think of all the countless jobs it's going to pump into the Brooklyn economy. You'll be able to get a sweet job serving beers & pretzels & whatever other hip modern cuisine they add to the menu to all the Barclays Center patrons! OR you can have a bright future in the exciting field of event security! I'm pretty sure you don't even have to waste precious hundreds of thousands of dollars on college degrees to get either of those jobs. WIN WIN for you, Jones!

Will the arena bring crime & traffic & hooliganism & whatnot to the area? Fuck yeah it will. Enraged Park Slope Resident Joe Imadehimup was quoted as saying, "Blah blah blah. Ruining the neighborhood. Robert Moses redux blah."

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BEST OF PARK SLOPE: Get Drunk, Get Naked

Day Two: BEST OF PARK SLOPE Awards! Let's get drunk!

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WHO GIVES A SHIT: Do You Bring Your Baby To Bars?

I'm pretty positive I know the answer to this question, but whatevs. It's gonna get warm soon, and people are gonna be outdoor drinking, and so I thought it was time to take everyone's temp once again regarding our fave Park Slope ish: do you bring your bebes to bars?

Cause every time I go to a bar, I pretty much see one.

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PRIME 6 PETITION TWO: ELECTRIC BUGABOO

God bless the fucking Internet, AMIRITE?! I would suck the internet's dick and let it shoot its load inside me.

I mean look: let's say you came across some blatantly racist whore, who needed to be schooled in an incalculable number of ways, but you knew that nothing you could ever do would teach her a lesson. The whole experience would leave you frustrated with the awful knowledge that she would never in a million years get what was coming to her!

But with the internet, you simply post about her on your blog that gets a million pageviews a month, and then BAM! Gawker, Gothamist, the NY Post, the Huffington Post, the Wall Street JOURNAL--all these fun-loving guys join in the fun, and pretty soon the entire tri-state area is calling her a cunt.

I wonder where she is, yaknow? Have you guys been thinking about that too? I want to see her reading all this press - I wonder if it's getting the message into her skull? Nah, it never does - I guarantee you she just just feels misquoted, maligned, and misunderstood.

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Bar Bathrooms of Park Slope

image via The L Magazine

You know how sometimes you go out to some Park Slope bar and get totally smashed, and start flirting with some DILF even though you're already married, and then you keep drinking, and then some chick hits on you and you kiss her just for funzies, and then you realize you're so drunk you have to go throw up in the bathroom? Just me?

Anyway.

There's lots of cool graffiti shit on the walls of Park Slope bar bathrooms, and the L Magazine took pictures of of it all, so now you too can avoid any unnecessary bi-sexual hangovers.

Yep. You're welcome.