BREAKING: GORILLA COFFEE IS C-L-O-S-E-D!?

I'm going apeshit here.

We got intel from the dudes at Sprudge that Gorilla Coffee had every employee walk out last night on their oppressive hipster-in-chief. Baristas, roasters -- everyone!

I went on a down-n-dirty inFIPStigation this morning, and it's true: Gorilla is indeed closed. I guess indefinitely (???), since there's not a note or anything on the door...

SON OF A BITCH??

Did Gorilla operate a sweatshop in the basement and exploit little Park Slope children, paying them well below international minimum wage? Did the the owner threaten to remove the leather-bound copy of the Communist Manifesto from the window display? No one has spilled the beans on exactly what has happened yet thoug this was a telling comment from Sprudge:

100% true. Everyone gave written resignation and walked out after the tyrants refused to comply with basic respect. How long this will last and whether or not an agreement will be reached is still yet to be answered. But the baristas (former rather) of Gorilla Coffee deserve much props for their guts. Norma Rays of coffee!

And so I'm left sad...confused...and wondering while sipping on my April 7th roast with the cupping notes of raisin, almost, blood orange, and chocolate.

So, you tell us! Is this IT for Gorilla?? Anyone got the 411?

(p.s. If any of the disgruntled Gorilla employees wanna get in touch with FIPS and share their side of the story, email us! effedinparkslope at gmail dot com).

More:

• Gawker
• NYT Diner's Journal Blog
• Sprudge
• Shot Zombies
• Brooklynian
• Gothamist

Beastly Bite(s): I Hate You

You know, I seriously did TRY to avoid having to blog about these mofos...I swear. I gave them time to right their wrongs, to not act like whiny bitches, and to give me MY MOTHERFUCKING MONEY BACK.

But after this week long game of cat and mouse (no pun intended), I'm totally fucking over it. So here it is, folks: Beatly Bite(s) sucks a dick.

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Hot, Hot, Hot! Laundromat Probz

As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing sadder than seeing an old person doing their laundry in a laundromat.  Folding their doilies, drying their bloomers, whatever—it's sad, mainly because I think if I'm still carrying all of my dirty clothes down the street in a bag over my shoulder when I'm 60 years old, I know that I've done something wrong in my life.     

Outside of the city, any toothless idiot could have an in-home washer and dryer, but here in Brooklyn, in the land of landlords and pre-war brownstones, it's a status symbol.  If I ever have a washer and dryer actually IN the confines of my apartment, game over, I WIN.

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SLOPE FAMILY MED CTR: THE KING OF MY SHITLIST

No, you'll never walk through that door.  But keep staring at it and maybe it'll start talking.

How was your morning?  Did you enjoy a delicious breakfast sandwich?  A carefree day after snowmageddon commute?  The sweet sound of birds chirping outside your window?  And how was my morning, you ask?  I SPENT TWO AND A HALF HOURS WAITING IN A GERM-INFESTED WAITING ROOM TO SEE A DOCTOR.  WHO ENDED UP PRESCRIBING ME SUDAFED AND IBUPROFEN.

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Daym, Brooklyn Kitchens!

pic via Domino Mag (has nothing to do w/Brooklyn Kitchens, but its pretty, right?)

This shit might even be worse than the disturbing tales of woe uncovered by Eric at the Mac Support Store.

Apparently Brooklyn Kitchen & Baths, a kitchen/bath contractor and supplier on 5th Ave, has been inspired by the handiwork of Bernard Madoff, and is running their own lil' Ponzi scheme right here in Park Slope. Yikes.

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