Why Does Apple Hate BK?

Speaking of laptops, it's official. Apple has dissed Brooklyn. Despite the fact that Park Slope alone must account for the highest per capita Apple product ownership in the fucking world, Apple won't build a gorgeous glass-enclosed shrine anywhere in our borough. 

We're not gentrified enough.

Despite the entreaties of Marty Markowitz (or maybe because of them?), Apple's not biting. 

As a Marty insider told me last week, while ignoring my request for a list of top international freebie junkets staffers were pissed not to have gone on, "BK's mom and pop strips don't appeal to them." And Fulton Mall is still a little too ghetto. Actually, what said staffer said was worse but not for attribution.

I personally am pissed. Staten Island gets an Apple Store but we don't?

All we get is that crap ass Mac Support Store?

Why not give them Modells/PC Richard by the Atlantic Center Mall by eminent domain? That site cries out for a fancy glass building!

What do you think?

Bedbugs at the Pavilion. Again. And Again.

 We don't talk about bedbugs here for our health, people.  Despite our constant chatter about these adorable, cuddly houseguests, we actually have things we'd rather be writing about.  But guess what?  The fucking Pavilion apparently has them, so we're being forced to ruin your morning coffee yet again.  We're good at that.

The sort-of facts: There's rumor of another bedbug infestation at the Pavilion, as we suspected a while ago (they heartily denied it).  This time, both Brownstoner and Gothamist are reporting about this post from The Bedbug Registry:

A few days ago I was leaving the Theatre with my girlfriend at around 11:55 pm when I saw a bunch of men with large crates and hoses in the lobby, I asked what was going on and he said that Bed Bugs had been found in all of the older theatres with the Purple seats. Then I was at the Windsor Cafe Yesterday when I overheard some people saying that even more Bed Begs were found on the first floor of the building.

What the motherfuck, guys?  Can the Pavilion actually get any worse?  Can we learn enough of a lesson to stop having faith that the Pavilion is not actually the seventh layer of hell?  Is the Pavilion going to sue us for defamation?  Should I have put this shit into a pen name?  What the hell did this guy Zufishan mean when he said, "You can not hide from the loud in a plastic bag" in his Yelp review of this god forsaken place? THE QUESTIONS, WILL THEY EVER STOP?

But seriously.  Unless you're some sort of masochist, just stop going to this place until we get some sort of clear-cut answer about this sitch (not that we understand why you go there in the first place; you'd be better off throwing yourself in front of the F [but please don't do it during rush hour...again]).

Hanco's v. Henry's On This American Life

I'm seriously boycotting Henry's y'all.

I knew there was some controversh based on everything that went down last year when the two shops opened around the same time, but those bitches STOLE Hanco's entire motherfucking menu! Like word for word! Including using the same goddamned font!

Ira Glass has the whole sordid scoop on last week's This American Life.

(via The Village Voice)

"PARKSLOPE:" Yer Doin' It Wrong

We've got a new neighbor in town, Center Slopers: the Parkslope Eatery.  Yes, as I am used to filtering my life through an AP Stylebook and painstaking line edits on a daily basis with my real world job, I cringe as I write "Parkslope."  I suppose I won't ask the question as to whether these guys are locals.

I've been watching this place get built for a while, and, as I walked by the other day and saw it'd opened up (Seventh Ave at 5th Street), I became irrationally angry at its sign.  (My lack of a life/where I expend my emotional effort is not a point of contention with regards to this post, so move right along, please.)  I'm willing to forgive these guys because a cursory peek inside revealed a make-your-own-salad counter (though I've yet to try it, or even walk in for that matter), but I guess take this as a word of advice to you potential business owners: Like, use spell check 'n' shit.

Anyone have any additional details on this joint?  Thumbs up/down?

More Proof That Beastly Bite Sucks Ass

I hate them like its my job.

And now this on Brooklynian: "the owner of this store does not care at all about animals."

Not surprised.

(Beastly Bite on 7th Ave BITES via Brooklynian).