Beastly Bite(s): I Hate You

You know, I seriously did TRY to avoid having to blog about these mofos...I swear. I gave them time to right their wrongs, to not act like whiny bitches, and to give me MY MOTHERFUCKING MONEY BACK.

But after this week long game of cat and mouse (no pun intended), I'm totally fucking over it. So here it is, folks: Beatly Bite(s) sucks a dick.

Here's why (the whole long ass sordid tale!):

Last Sunday, we realized we were almost out of Oliver's food. Thinking I needed to take his ass for a walk, and take care of the food ish, I thought I would walk on over to Beastly Bite. We typically order from NYC Pet, but Beastly is close by and I thought it would be nice to support another local neighborhood business (yeah, I know...I was wrong). The last time we we there they didn't have his food in the size bag we needed (Wellness Simple Solutions--allergies, yo!--duck and rice formula in the 30 pound bag), but I thought I would give it another go. After inquiring, the woman who was working there told me that they didn't have the food.

Here's how our convo went:

ME: Hmmm, that's a bummer. The last time we here you didn't have it either. Is this not something you typically stock? Its no problem if the answer is no, I just want to figure out our gameplan. I'd love to be able to buy from you guys, but we really need the large bag of that particular type of food.

BEASTLY BITE EMPLOYEE (BBE): Well, if you'd like we can order it for you? It will only take two days!

ME: It will *REALLY* only be two days? Cause we are almost out of dog food and don't have more than 2 days.

BBE: Yep! Two days!

So, I went for it. They promised to call me when the food arrived, and said they could even deliver it. GREAT! I bought some other treats, and the 30 pound bag of dog food and spent somewhere in the neighborhood of $130 bucks.

Two days later, I called the store to find out what time Oliver's food would be in. I wanted to arrange for delivery, and needed to do it before Ollie's dinnertime. Here's how that convo went:

ME: Hi, I came in a couple of days ago and ordered the 30 pound bag of Wellness Simple Solutions duck formula. I was calling to see when it would be in so we could arrange for delivery.

BBE: Oh, that's not going to be in until Thursday.

[Uhm....???]

ME: OK, I'm a little confused. You told me it would just be two days, and I never would have ordered it if you had said it wouldn't be in until Thursday. My dog is all out of food.

BBE: Yeah...well, I actually didn't know when it would come in....

ME: Well, actually you did. Do you remember that when we were talking I asked you if it was REALLY only going to be two days, and you told me that it really was?

BBE: Yeah, I wasn't sure when the delivery would come in, but its going to get here on Thursday now.

ME: Ok, well unfortunately, Thursday isn't going to work for me because my dog is completely out of food. So I'm going to need to cancel the order. Again, I never would have ordered it if you had told me it would take this long to get in.

BBE: Well, we ordered it already, so I'm not sure we can cancel it. It's coming in on Thursday.

[I'm not really sure what part of MY DOG IS COMPLETELY OUT OF FUCKING FOOD she wasn't understanding, but there you have it].

ME (admittedly, I am in full on bitch mode now): Ok, well I don't need the food anymore, so we ARE going to have to cancel the order. I'll need to get a refund on my credit card.

BBE: Well, I can't do that, so you'll need to talk to the owner.

ME: OK, and when is she in?

BBE: Tomorrow.

ME: OK, so you'll have the owner call me tomorrow?

BBE: No, you'll have to call back.

ME: Ohhhkay. Can you tell me what her name is?

BBE: Cindy.

ME: And what time will she be in?

BBE: I'm really not sure...you'll have to call back tomorrow.

CLICK.

OK, first of all: AYFKMWTS??? Second of all: why are you treating me like a chump, when you're the one who fucked up the delivery time?

If this bitch had done any of the following, this could have ended right then and there:
1. Apologized
2. Offered an alternative solution: i.e. "well, the large bag won't be coming in until Thursday, but how about we send over a small 7 pound bag to get you through the next couple of days?"
3. Acted like a non-cunt rag

But nope...she decided to just jump on in and lead with the 'tude.

On top of getting snippy with my fat ass, she couldn't even take a message and make sure that the owner called me back the next day?? So instead, I gotta put down a goddamned gcal appt to remind myself to call Cindy at Beastly Fucking Bite(s)?? Jayzus.

Well, thanks to my appt reminder, I called back the next day (this is Wednesday now) and, surprise surprise, Cindy wasn't there....and neither was that bitch from my first 2 interactions. Some dude answered the phone, and he was actually super nice, and super helpful, and took all my info again, and said that he would pass on the message regarding my refund to the owner and have her call me back and take care of it. I didn't get his name, but he was NICE...and the sort of employee that would make me want to shop in that store again if I didn't already hate their guts.

So, I forgot about this all for a few days, and on Saturday morn, decided to check my bank account to make sure I got my money back. Low and behold: NO REFUND from Beastly Bite(s).

So, I pick up the ole iPhone and call again. Of course, the BBE Bitch answers. Here's how that convo goes:

ME: Cindy, please.

BBE BITCH: She's not here, can I help you?

ME: This is Erica R. I had ordered that bag of Wellness dog food last week.

BBE BITCH: Hold on, please.

[Ok, so now I'm on hold for like 5 mins and the entire time, I'm listening to this BBE Bitch be sweet as sugar to some chump at the counter...which somehow made her imminent oncoming bitchiness to me all the more potent].

BBE BITCH: OK, so you need to get a refund? I think I can do that on your card...what's your number?

[OK, hold the motherfucking phone: why did we not do this shit 5 days ago???? If you can just 1-2-3 give me a refund no problemo, then why did we go through all this Cindy, call, leave a message, no one calls me back bullshit??].

ME: Don't you have all of my info from when I placed my order? (at this point, I didn't remember wtf credit card I had used, and my bag was somewhere not immediately visible).

BBE BITCH: Yeah, OK, so I'll refund your credit card today.

ME: Great, and...

BBE BITCH: OKTHANKSGOODBYE

CLICK

I forget about this shit again on Sunday, so I check again online yesterday morning to see if the refund came through. Wowza, there was a refund for $59.99 from Beastly Bite(s)...what do you know!

Only, uhm...I'm pretty sure, as per NY State and local law mandates, I paid taxes on those items I purchased!? And if the bag of food cost $59.99, where is that money?

Again, AYFKMWTS?? I don't know shit about shit, people, but if I worked in a goddamned retail store, I'm pretty sure I'd be well aware of the fact that everyone who comes in pays taxes on the crap they buy! I mean, this isn't exactly rocket science. Only I'm sure BBE BITCH *knew* I paid taxes, and I'm sure she *knew* I should be refunded those taxes as she was running my refund...but she just wanted to send one last leetle dig my way. Well mission accomplished, sweetie.

Only, you ain't gettin rid of me yet!

So, one more time, I call:

ME: Hi, this is Erica R. calling again regarding my refund, I....

BBE BITCH: Oh, I refunded your money, so you're all set! OKTHANKSGOODBYE

CLICK

SON. OF. A. BITCH.

Again:

ME: HI I got my refund, thanks, but wasn't I charged taxes on my purchase? Because I only saw a $59.99 refund?

BBE BITCH: Hold on.

[Yet another sugary sweet interaction, performed for effect, no doubt]

BBE BITCH: Hi, can I help you?

ME: Yes, I was wondering about my refund? Shouldn't the taxes have been included?

BBE BITCH: I'm not sure, I'll have to check.

[SHE'LL HAVE TO CHECK??? On what planet would I have NOT been charged taxes?? Again, an apology for the oversight could have gone a long fucking way here].

ME: Ok.

BBE BITCH: OKTHANKSGOODBYE

ME: WAIT!!!!

BBE BITCH: Yes?

[YES?? SERIOUSLY? Your gameplan is to just hang up on me again, without any sort of resolution??]

ME: So, how will I know this has been resolved? Are you going to call me again?

BBE BITCH: I'll look into it and get back to you. OKTHANKSGOODBYE

10 minutes later she calls me back and asks for my credit card number (!!!??) ah-gain, so that she can give me the refund. When I remind her that she has it, she says "we've destroyed all the records, so I actually don't anymore.

Again, UHM, OK...interesting way to run your business. First you're not "sure" if you are charging your customers tax or not, and now you've destroyed the records from a sale that happened less than a week ago? Small Business 101, much?

So, yeah: as of now I'm still waiting for the $5 plus dollars that they owe me in sales tax that has yet to hit my bank account (they actually did charge it! Imagine that!). Also, I never spoke to "Cindy" once throughout this entire process. For all I know, "Cindy" was the BBE BITCH (whose name I actually *do* know now, and it rhymes with Bemma. And I realize that Bemma isn't a word, but that's what her name rhymes with). If you ARE out there Cindy, you might want to stay a bit more on top of all this shit from here on in. You know, so that none of your other pissed off customers are forced to take out their frustrations on their own damn blogs that may or may not get an average of 7000 page views a day.

After I realized last Tuesday that Beastly does indeed bite, I called up NYC Pet (the place we usually get our shit from) and got Oliver's food from there no problemo. Actually, there was a slight problemo: they didn't have the 30 pound bag of the Wellness food either. But they offered to send me two 15-pound bags for the same price as the 30-pound bag, and had it delivered in like an hour. And this was THEIR IDEA. They had a customer on the line, didn't quite have what that customer needed, so they got creative and worked it the fuck out. Bravo, NYC Pet.

Moral of the story: buy all your pet food and other pet shit from NYC Pet (and, likely, many other cool local Pet Stores in Park Slope), and don't buy ANY OF IT from Beastly Bite(s).

That place is officially dead to me.

Comments

[JKP]

Wow. you are testy. I read this and I'm like where's the horrible part? OK, they made a mistake with your dogfood, and they weren't very good about fixing it, but they did, and you seem to have survived, so I'm thinking that you seem like an entitled whiney brat with no real problems. Or am I wrong?