Man Wrongfully Accused Of Sexual Attack Speaks Out

Craig Warga/New York Daily News

I probably don't need to tell you that this summer there were nearly twenty separate sexual assaults on women in Park Slope and nearby neighborhoods -- likely by multiple perpetrators -- and the police still haven't caught the motherfucking predators.  They did, however, railroad an innocent Colombian immigrant named William Giraldo, who's since been exonerated by DNA evidence (not to mention alibis that could have checked out long before he was charged). He's now speaking out about how his life has been ruined.

After a sexual attack in Sunset Park, the police released a surveillance video that showed Giraldo inside the same Dunkin' Donuts that the victim was in shortly before she was attacked.

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Idea for FIPS-Branded Coffee Shop Rejected. Local Bloggers Dismayed.

Photo via Park Slope Patch

What do we have to do to get a coffee shop named after Fucked in Park Slope?  Geez!

Those of you who are playing along at home are no doubt aware that Ozzie's on 7th Avenue shuttered before Melissa Rapoport, one of Ozzie's owners, decided to open up a new coffee shop more or less right across the street from the old Ozzie's location -- BUT --  she wasn't going to call it Ozzie's, so she had a contest to see if patrons could come up with a good name for it, so we blogged about it, and suggested what we thought was the only sane and reasonable choice: The Fucked in Park Slope Café.

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Jake Gyllenhaal Puts Subway Riders To Sleep

Photos via Buzzfeed / Gothamist

The other day I was minding my own business making delicious pies and brining my turkey at home, when I noticed, on the internet, that people are paying attention to the fact that (1) Jake Gyllenhaal rides the subway sometimes, (2) Jakey's been photographed twice on the subway next to a person who was asleep, and that (3) people sometimes sleep on the subway, despite the admonitions of Petula Clark.

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Pizzapocalypse Hits Brooklyn, Millions Die.

Pizza the hut!

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

I don't even know what to say about this.

Okay, best to just pull the proverbial band-aid off quickly.

Di Fara's has been shuttered by the Board of Health in the same week that Grimaldi's is closing down for a day to move in to the space next door.

It's like the Perfect Storm of pizza destruction, with George Clooney playing the part of  Di Fara's and Marky-Mark playing Grimaldi's.  The eye of the storm is, apparently, Park Slope.  Just stay in the Slope, everybody, and I promise, you will live to see both establishments re-open! In the meantime, because we at FIPS care about your well-being, here are a few survival tips for what we're calling  The Great Pizzapocalypse of 2011.

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Will Tree Pits Make Gowanus Smell Less Like Shit?

Photo via Gothamist

The Gowanus Canal smells like shit.  You know why?  Because whenever there's a light rain, it fills up with shit. And unless you can convince all of Park Slope to refrain from eating Indian food when it rains, this problem is not going away anytime soon.

The city has come up with a brilliant plan to make it smell better, though. They've constructed these drainage ditches along 4th Avenue that have been topped with a bunch of poo-eating plants or something, so that the raw sewage doesn't get dumped in the canal...

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