Pizzapocalypse Hits Brooklyn, Millions Die.

Pizza the hut!

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

I don't even know what to say about this.

Okay, best to just pull the proverbial band-aid off quickly.

Di Fara's has been shuttered by the Board of Health in the same week that Grimaldi's is closing down for a day to move in to the space next door.

It's like the Perfect Storm of pizza destruction, with George Clooney playing the part of  Di Fara's and Marky-Mark playing Grimaldi's.  The eye of the storm is, apparently, Park Slope.  Just stay in the Slope, everybody, and I promise, you will live to see both establishments re-open! In the meantime, because we at FIPS care about your well-being, here are a few survival tips for what we're calling  The Great Pizzapocalypse of 2011.

• If you're hell-bent on leaving Park Slope to get good Brooklyn Pizza, you can still hop on the subway and go to Totonno's.  Keep in mind though that the F and Q trains have been totally fucked up for the past several weekends (which mostly means that we're not over-dramatizing when we call this "The Pizzapocalypse").
• Stay local.  Tomato 'N' Basil has a good, basic slice.  When the world is ending, you should probably be sticking close to home.
• Whatever you do, do not go to Roberta's in Bushwick. After the New York Times review and the GQ Eaters Guide, I think it's safe to say that Roberta's is over-hyped to the point that it's only a matter of time until the Roman God of Pizza, Pepperonisus, visits his wrath upon the hipsters eating wood-fired pies in North Brooklyn.

I know that this post is begging for controversy and argument, which I wholeheartedly encourage under all circumstances. But please, for the love of all that is holy, crisp and well-sauced, think of your fellow FIPSters, and post something constructive in the comments directing them to a decent pie.