Idea for FIPS-Branded Coffee Shop Rejected. Local Bloggers Dismayed.

Photo via Park Slope Patch

What do we have to do to get a coffee shop named after Fucked in Park Slope?  Geez!

Those of you who are playing along at home are no doubt aware that Ozzie's on 7th Avenue shuttered before Melissa Rapoport, one of Ozzie's owners, decided to open up a new coffee shop more or less right across the street from the old Ozzie's location -- BUT --  she wasn't going to call it Ozzie's, so she had a contest to see if patrons could come up with a good name for it, so we blogged about it, and suggested what we thought was the only sane and reasonable choice: The Fucked in Park Slope Café.

Those of you who have not been playing along at home?  Don't sweat it, because we just brought you up to speed with one big fat run-on sentence.

I'm chagrined to report that Rapoport did not take us up on our suggestion, and that the name she chose, instead, is...

The Noella Brew Bar.

Apparently, the name was suggested by a long-time patron of Ozzie's who suggested combining Rapoport's daughter's names, Noa and Daniella, to come up with Noella. Okay.  That's fine.  I'm certainly not going to trash her decision to name her business after two little girls that she must love very dearly. I would, however, like to suggest that calling a coffee shop a "Brew Bar" is going to create confusion.  When I hear "brew," I think "beer."  And when I hear "bar," I think "beer."  

I'll just say it now, so that in a couple of weeks the inevitable "I told you so" will be accurate.  A bunch of drunks are going to get confused by the term "brew bar" and will almost certainly show up looking for beer.  Or whiskey.  Possibly gin.  When that happens, and all you've got for them is coffee and tea, they're going to be very disappointed.  In the meantime, moms with strollers, people on internet dates, and local bloggers will all stay away from your store, because there will always be a lot of angry drunk people complaining about your *misleading name.  

Give it some thought.

Actually, now that I think of it, Fucked in Park Slope would probably be a better name for a bar, than a coffee shop.  Right?  Anyone wanna' make that happen?

* A while back there was a rumor that the new place would serve beer and wine at night, but at the time no liquor license had yet been filed. There was also no mention of this in the recent Park Slope Patch article about the new joint.