Holiday Gift FIPStravaganza: Day One [Co-Workers-n-BREEDERS]

This is our week-long dive head first into the trenches of holiday gift shopping, Park Slope style. Buy local, bitches! Unless, of course, you enjoy walking past empty storefronts every ten feet. In today's edition we cover annoying co-workers and BREEDERS.

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The Holiday Gift FIPStravaganza

The holidays are upon us, and since we all hate the Atlantic Center Mall as much as Tiger Woods’ wife hates him right about now (can you imagine what THAT place was like on Black Friday?  I’m shuddering), we decided to compile a list of cool gifts you can get for the various dbags in your life.

Each day, we’ll give you a bunch of gift suggestions for two of the people who fall into these ten gift-buying categories:

1. Co-worker you hate but have to pretend to like
2. Breeder friend and/or their bitch-ass kids
3. Douchey granola-eating, Birkenstock-wearing hippie friend
4. The drunk in your life
5. Lovable nerds (and/or your dorky kid brother)
6. Home design gurus
7. Overly sentimental "spirit guide" friends who constantly remind you of their life motto: “LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE.”
8. Fur baby mamas-n-daddies
9. Foodie friends
10. Brooklyn snobs

All of the gifts we’ve picked are a.) relatively affordable and b.) can be bought right here in Park Slope (more specifically, on 7^th or 5^th avenues).  So stay tuned for FIVE DAYS of cool shit (via crappy iPhone photos, smart ass, potentially-offensive commentary, and an occasional high-res photo we googled when we got home). 

True confessions: doesn’t it feel nice to know that you can get all of your holiday shopping done without even having to get on the subway?  Good thing, too, because the F train isn’t running again. Or is it?  Who even fucking knows anymore?

Happy holidays!

Ad-derall: Dunkin Donuts Tuna Sandwiches

Ad-deral is (Amanda's!) new column in which we rant and riff on the ridiculous ads we're subjected to while trapped on the subway.  From the borderline racist local businesses (1-800-MARGARITA Divorce Attorneys) to the condescending national brands that pretend to know what it's like to ride the goddamned F train every day (Snickers, Delta), we'll tackle them all with the same smug outlook that has made us totally (not) famous.

I think we all can agree that a best-case-scenario normal ride on the subway still finds you crammed up against at least two to four people.  And I'm talking C-L-O-S-E. Like so close you're worried you might be pregnant, because you're pretty sure you just had sex with someone as you were trying to get to the motherfucking Jay Street exit.

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Who Gives a Shit: Are We All Gonna Get Stabbed by Roving Gangs?

So, some concerned citizen/neighborhood watch member/paranoid old crank is going around posting notes on the doors of apartment buildings along Prospect Park West, warning people about the increased activity of roving gangs in the area by the park.

I wish I had saved the note, or taken a picture of it with my shitty iPhone camera even though it would be unreadable anyway, but it basically said:

1. Teen hoodlums are coming to get you
2. Srsly, someone got stabbed
3. Call 911 and remain alert

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Who Gives A Shit Follow UP: Halloween Part Deux

Yeah, yeah, the kids will be cute in their costumes, I get it.  But where can the over 21 dbags go to have a good time on Halloween in Park Slope? 

I wanna see a whole slew of sexy kittens, various sexy blue collar workers, and not-so-sexy Michael Jacksons alongside other more "innovative" costumes, such as Swine Flu and the Death of Print Media.

Bonus points for a place that gives prizes for costume contests.

So, does anyone know the 411 on where you can go for a good Werewolf Bar Mitzvah this year?

SPOOKY, SCARY!  

[ed note: our fave titty bar Lucky 13 is having a Halloween event according to Melody who left a comment in our first post, and I know the Bell House is throwing down with some fun too. What else??]