Sushi Smackdown: Shitake can’t hold a candle to JPAN

via Brownstoner

I love it when I get new takeout menus in the mail—the creepy, cryptic return addresses written in scary handwriting. I think, this is it—the mob has finally tracked me down and is sending me this letter to let me know that they’re going to kill me for my indiscretions (read: my big, fat mouth). My adrenaline kicks in as I rip open the envelope to see yet another take-out menu. Ah, safe for another day.

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Suck It Chet

If I see one more Real World: Brooklyn cast member wearing a Brooklyn t-shirt, sweatshirt, or zip-up hoodie, I am going to lose my shit.

Example? Chet (my arch-nemesis), wearing that F train subway t-shirt in last week’s episode (even though he and the cast members drive everywhere in a brand-new SUV)? Can we say P-O-S-E-U-R?

Hey, MTV: if you want to show a bunch of self-absorbed dicks what it’s really like to live in Brooklyn, they should be required to take the subway during rush hour, pressed up against someone who hasn’t showered in weeks while the conductor (aka: Queen Latifah) screams about a signal malfunction and implores you to be patient, even though you’ve already been holding your breath for 40 seconds to avoid breathing in the stankonia coming from your new boyfriend, Mr. NoSoap.

Then, and ONLY then, can you wear an F train t-shirt. You can wear it with pride, as it highlights the war wounds and battle scars you’ve gotten just trying to make it the fuck home every day.

(ed note: YEAH!  What she said! Also, Chet: I don't give a fuck what you say...you ARE gay (see pic above)).