Ad-derall: Dunkin Donuts Tuna Sandwiches

Ad-deral is (Amanda's!) new column in which we rant and riff on the ridiculous ads we're subjected to while trapped on the subway.  From the borderline racist local businesses (1-800-MARGARITA Divorce Attorneys) to the condescending national brands that pretend to know what it's like to ride the goddamned F train every day (Snickers, Delta), we'll tackle them all with the same smug outlook that has made us totally (not) famous.

I think we all can agree that a best-case-scenario normal ride on the subway still finds you crammed up against at least two to four people.  And I'm talking C-L-O-S-E. Like so close you're worried you might be pregnant, because you're pretty sure you just had sex with someone as you were trying to get to the motherfucking Jay Street exit.

Also, there's obv a homeless person in close proximity (always) and, of course, they smell like piss.  If you're extra lucky (and hung over!), you've probably also got some variation of a hip-hop dance crew, a mariachi band, or a reformed crack head screaming/"giving a sermon" about how God healed his addictions.

If you deal with stressful situations like me (ie: badly), you spend the majority of the time you're on the subway trying to a.) not breathe in the terrible smell b.) not kill everyone in sight c.) suppress the Homer Simpson-esque thought of "I would Thai box everyone on this train for a beer." 

I think it's safe to say that NOT ONCE during your cross borough mosh pit subway ride are you thinking, "Hey, you know what sounds  good right about now?  A tuna sandwich on a bagel."

Check out the nasty bullshit Dunkin' Donuts is trying to hawk as a special: Tuna on a bagel with an iced tea for $3.99.   Not only does it look straight up GROSS, just the thought of tuna evokes the smell of tuna, which, coupled with the fact that you're on the F train, is just enough of a mental push to make any normal person want to get off at Smith-9th Street and throw themselves onto the tracks. 

And this disgusting tuna imagery isn't like the Dr. Zizmor ads that are kind of gross but kind of funny and relatively avoidable, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. 

This one was taken at the Prospect Park West-15th Street Stop, but I've seen them in every subway car I've been in for the past few weeks--and they make me want to throw up everywhere. 

They just started changing the billboard outside of my office and if I come in tomorrow and it features a giant tuna-bagel sandwich, I will jump. 

I swear to God, I will jump.